Love, Love It's EverywhereAnd I'm Hating It
by Lex Sora
Summary: Yaoi, pointless....just plain WRONG. But if you like Trunks/Goten then you'll like it! *UPDATE: C.9* And here it is...the last chapter...and Gorry is it LONG. Go get some snacks, this could take a while.
1. Show Don't Tell

Love, Love It's Everywhere...And I'm Hating It  
EH! EH HEH-HEH-HEH! The first full length yaoi thing I do is a parody...-_-  
  
DD: But it's fun!  
  
Cell: *Shakes his head* Shut it DD.  
  
DD: But just what is this a parody of anyway? Well it's a parody on yaoi in its self. We make fun of all the aspects of it and why? Because we CAN.  
  
Meaning that this is a satire if you will. And a fun one at that! Hah! I am ruler of all pointless humor!  
  
DD: .....Yeah, right.  
  
I am! You just give a summary!  
  
DD: Summary: Trunks has a crush on Goten, who has a crush on Piccolo who just wants to be left the hell alone but these people can't except that and relentlessly chase him around instead. Oh yeah, you KNOW this is stupid.  
  
Cell: Let the madness begin.  
  
Begin the madness!  
_______________________________________________________________  
It was a bright sunny day. Really, really sunny and really, really bright. It was so bright you could toss a quarter in the air, shout "TAIYOKEN!!!" and blind people in 3 different countries. It was that bright and it was only 10 in the morning, the sun wasn't even at its fullest shine yet, but you could still blind people in 3 countries with a damn quarter...but I digress. On this day, a familiar spike haired form took a dip in a pond and came back out shrieking like a banshee because a fish had bitten his butt...which was his own fault for going skinny dipping in a Piranha-pond. He stopped, dropped and rolled and the fish finally let go, leaving marks in the boy's skinny hide. The same boy quickly put his clothes back on and decided there were other bodies of water he could jack off in. He walked across the field back to his house muttering words so evil they shan't be repeated here because I'm too lazy to write them up. Just before he reached the door, it swung open, smacking him to the ground in the process. In the doorway stood another spikey haired form with a fish in his mouth and a chicken leg in his left hand. He looked around before looking on the ground where his son lay clutching his face.  
  
"Uh Goten? What are you doing down there?"  
  
"Just bleeding to death dad."  
  
"Oh. Well, when your finished hurry in the house. It's almost dinner time!" Goku said and scattered back in to the house. 2 seconds after he left, Goten fought the urge to walk inside and blow his idiot father to smithereens. He instead settled to just get up and go inside and maybe put some Neosporin on his face and check for internal bleeding...you know. All that good stuff. Goten opened the door and walked straight up to the bathroom, put alcohol on his face, a bit of Neosporin and some aftershave which had suddenly appeared to hide the smell of the alcohol before checking himself for brain damage. Then he went and spanked the dolphin for a bit before joining his family downstairs. His brother Gohan and his ho—er I mean his lovely wife Videl and their child Pan had opted to join them that night meaning that he'd half to deal with half of his mother ChiChi's SUPERB cooking and half of Videl's CRAP for lack of better term.   
  
He prayed that God would save him.  
  
Half way through dinner, just as Goten was about to slit his wrist with a butter knife (it was meatloaf night *shudder*) someone did save him and technically, it was God...sorta. At the exact moment as Goten was about to give his "I CAN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE" cry, Piccolo—of all people—crashed through the roof with such style that only he could pull it off, with his cape fluttering dramatically and stuff.   
  
"Some one has revived Furiza and Cooler and they're on a rampage!" he shouted. From that moment, Goten was SMITTEN. We're talking S-M-I-T-T-E-N. Not because Piccolo had to be the HAWTEST green thing to walk this good, green earth, but because the Nameksei-jin had saved his life without knowing it. Yes, Goten fell in love with the Namek because he was a reflex move away from killing himself and Piccolo so happened to bust in. Coincidence? I think not. Oh and part it was because, let's face it: Piccolo is as cool as the Sahara is hot. Goku, Gohan and Goten stood up straight and blasted off through the roof, leaving their women in the dust.  
  
(IN SOME RANDOM PART OF WEST CITY)  
  
Trunks sat in the tub contemplating whether or not to risk jerking-off in the tub, seeing as how his father had banished him to bathe outside in a wash tub for the last time he tried. It wasn't the fact that he was whacking off but what he was whacking off to, which so happened to be an image of his beloved Son Goten. To Trunks Goten was the second most beautiful thing on this planet, the first being himself and the third being David Lee Roth when he was younger with young Sammy Hagar coming in a close 4th. But second was good enough for the young demi-saiya-jin to whack off to and stalk Goten for long periods of time with a video camera and a tape recorder. Yes, it's that bad. As our purple-haired warrior rolled the thought over in his head, someone shot a ki blast that narrowly missed his little metal washtub. Trunks shrieked like a girl before composing him self and shouting in his highest, manliest voice, "Who goes there?!"   
  
"Oh sorry Trunks!" Goten, the object of Trunks' affection, called from the roof of a Capsule Corp. building.  
  
"GAH! Goten, what was that for?!"   
  
"Well, Furiza and Cooler are attacking the city and I thought you were Cooler! Why the hell are you taking a bath outside anyway?"  
  
"Uh, I, uh—"  
  
"I don't wanna know. You should probably get out now!" Goten called as an explosion sounded in the background.  
  
"Gotta go save the earth now! Be back later!" Goten shouted before taking off in the direction of the explosion. Back on the ground, Trunks sighed dreamily.  
  
"Oh my dear Goten, off to save the planet again! My love is so MANLY!" Trunks squealed before a massive nosebleed took over his nose and reddened his bath water.  
  
(ELSEWHERE)  
  
Goku bravely fought off Cooler and Vegeta wailed on Furiza Saiya-jin style while Goten, Gohan, and Piccolo sat in law chairs drinking Pina Coladas and waiting for the rain.   
  
"Sooo...what's been up Piccolo?" Gohan asked flippantly as he pulled a Strawberry Daiquiri from nowhere. Piccolo slugged back his bottle of Evian and shrugged.  
  
"Not a lot." Was the reply. While Gohan struck up conversation with his friend and teacher, Goten stared lustfully at Piccolo over a mug of Bailey's. Before long, Furiza and Cooler had been sent to hell AGAIN and Goku and Vegeta came back down to earth.  
  
"...I like your nerve!" Vegeta shouted as he noticed the 3 non participants lounge back and enjoy the show.  
  
"Ah give 'em a break Vegeta! It's not like we gave them a chance to fight! Just where did you come from anyway? Shouldn't you be molesting Trunks or something?" At this comment, Vegeta pimp-slapped the taste out of Goku's mouth. Goku could feel the spit fly out of his mouth when Vegeta slapped him and heard Goten, Piccolo, and even Gohan who all but worshipped him laugh at his pain.  
  
"Ow...I don't think that's very funny!" Goku said around a mouth full of blood.  
  
"It wasn't! We're just laughing like girls 'cause we can!" Gohan shouted and everyone immediately stopped laughing. Goku quirked an eye brow and shook his head slowly.  
  
(2 DAYS LATER)  
  
2 days after the whole Cooler/Furiza incident, Goten was back to his old ways, only he had a new image to jack-off to and that was to none other than a naked Piccolo. Goten didn't know why, all he knew is that he desperately wanted this Nameksei-jin...but it wasn't like he couldn't settle for jerking off to his image. Or maybe he could just confess his love to him while jacking-off. Both would probably get him laid and that was basically all he wanted because believe it or not, one could actually get tired of whacking off to their beloved object of affection. After 2 hours of a masturbation-marathon Goten finally let it go and went in to the bathroom to wash his hands. As he did so, someone knocked on the bathroom door.  
  
"What is it?"  
  
"Hey Goten, why is Trunks jerking off out side your window?" At this Goten froze, thinking 'Trunks is WHAT?!'   
  
"Dad...call the cops." Goten said shakily as Goku shrugged and went downstairs to do so. When Goku had gotten down stairs, Goten ran to his room, threw open the window and shouted in to the night, "IF I CATCH YOU HERE AGAIN YOUR DEAD TRUNKS!"  
  
(AT CAPSULE CORP)  
  
At Capsule Corp, Trunks was suffering from the grandmother of all nosebleeds. Bulma hovered over him worriedly while Vegeta counted how many pints of blood Trunks was loosing.  
  
"That's 2! 2 pints of blood, ah-ah-ah!" Vegeta laughed while son stared up at the ceiling in a daze as blood poured profusely from his nose. Apparently the sight of his darling Goten jacking off had been too much and Trunks not only orgasmed 18 times in the course of 2 hours without touching himself as Goku had said, but he had also has 2 small nosebleeds and was in the middle of the "big one".   
  
"Oh God, why won't the blood stop?!" Bulma shrieked as more and more blood streamed down the sides of Trunks' face from each nostril.  
  
"Waah...Goten..." the purple haired boy gurgled. Bulma, in an act of desperation, simply pinched Trunks' nose and held it for 2 minutes. When she let go, Trunks' nose had stopped bleeding and Trunks had stopped breathing. Bulma stormed angrily out of the room and Vegeta dragged Trunks in to a vat of ice that had appeared out of no where.  
  
(SON RESIDENCE)   
  
Goten steamed over having Trunks see him spank the monkey when Goku mentioned Piccolo's name for no reason, causing Goten to forget about the whole incident and his penis get rock hard for the 30th time that day. Goten made a mental note to himself to check in to Masturbaters Anonymous.  
  
"Dad?"  
  
"What is it son?"  
  
"Nothing, I just felt like saying Dad."  
  
"Oh."  
  
"Dad?"  
  
"Whaaat?"  
  
"Can I go out to see Piccolo?"  
  
"Why?"  
  
"To confess my undying love for him."  
  
"Oh, well go ahead."  
  
"Thanks." Goten said as he skipped out of the door whistling "Over the Rainbow". Meanwhile, Trunks began tailing him with a video camera and a tape recorder.  
  
'Where are you going oh Goten, my darling Goten?!' Trunks wondered, making sure that he stayed out of site. He was lucky to have gotten out of that vat of ice Vegeta had put him in for no reason. Trunks trailed Goten to some desert outside of Mt. Paozu where he heard Piccolo usually trained.  
  
"RIIIICOLAAAA!" Goten shouted before spinning around like a girl and falling unconsciously on the desert ground. Trunks raised his eyebrows at the sight and considered maybe helping his beloved when Piccolo appeared out of nowhere. He danced a bit of ballet around Goten's body as an instrumental version of "Leave That Thing Alone" played. Trunks, who was quite frightened at this point, began backing away but then Piccolo picked up Goten's body and they both vanished in to thin air.  
  
"Okay, that was damned weird."   
  
"I'll say!" Goku said, suddenly appearing at Trunks' side. Trunks just blinked before putting his VC back in its capsule and running away. Goku shrugged and ran the other way.  
_______________________________________________________________  
So...how was that? Weird I know...but it get's better! I think.  
  
Cell: Heh...feedback is greatly appreciated.  
  
DD: Yes-ah! 


	2. Leave That Thing Alone

Love, Love It's Everywhere...And I'm Hating It  
I'm back peoples!  
  
Cell: Nooo...  
  
I did kinda leave off abruptly didn't I?  
  
DD: You did...but it was a good abrupt ending!  
  
Cell: And now back to where we left off!  
  
Disclaimer: If we owned it this wouldn't be FAN-fiction. Ya hear?!  
  
DD: Begin transmission  
_______________________________________________________________  
Trunks got home and ran straight up to his room, scared out of his wit. It was all like a bad dream: Goten acting whacking-off for 2 solid hours, Piccolo doing ballet...and Goku. Why?! Why couldn't he wake up?! Well one reason was because this isn't a dream but let's let him pretend shall we? Anyway, Trunks collapsed on his bed and stared at the ceiling. He then heard his door crack open and saw Vegeta poke his head in.  
  
"Dad, I'm not 7 anymore!"  
  
"...But...wait a second, I know that! I never molested you damnit! I wanted to see where you went!"  
  
"No you didn't. You want my ass!"  
  
"Shut up! Don't make me come in there!" Vegeta growled, throwing the door open. There was a shriek downstairs before Bulma appeared, bloody and bruised downstairs crying.  
  
"Please don't do it!" She screamed. Vegeta raised an eye-brow and implored, "Do WHAT?"  
  
"Don't rape him again for the love of Kami!!"  
  
".....That's it, I need to get out." At that moment, Bulma suddenly jumped up, alive and well and looking crossed.  
  
"What?! Am I not good enough for you!?"  
  
"...Please stop..."  
  
"Why do you have to run to Goku every time?! Do I not satisfy you?!"  
  
"..." Vegeta opened Trunks door and Bulma began bleeding and fell at the foot of the stairs, shrieking.  
  
"I'm leaving..." he said cautiously and Bulma suddenly stood up, not a scar on her and started ranting about how he ran to Goku every time they had a fight.  
  
"......Note to self: No more taking hits to head; move to Montana."  
  
~~!!~~!!~~!!~~  
Goten woke up in a dark, wet, and cold place. He was lying down on a slab of rock and water was dripping on his head from a stalagmite or stalactite or whatever the hell those cone-thingies are at the top of caves. Goten blinked as his eyes tried to gather in what little light there was and realized there was a form in front of him.  
  
"Hello?"  
  
"Hello."  
  
"...."  
  
"...."  
  
"Who are you?"  
  
"Who do you think I am you twit?" Goten took a second to get his mind to register the voice before grinning a sunny grin that lit up the cave. No seriously, it actually lit up the cave.  
  
"ACCH! Shut your mouth!" Piccolo shouted and Goten quickly did as he was told.   
  
"Sorry....PICCOLO! DAI SUKI!"   
  
"....Look, I've gotten enough of that shit from Gohan don't make me drag you in to a 2nd story girl's bathroom and throw you out the window biotch." Goten gulped before turning angry.  
  
"Let me go damnit! Let loose these bonds and set me free you monster!"  
  
"...You're...not...restrained." Piccolo said slowly. Goten looked over and saw that he was, indeed, not bonded by black leathery material and Piccolo wasn't holding a whip after all. Damnit all. Goten sat up and grumbled disappointedly and just looked damned cross when Piccolo turned the lights on to reveal that he was in his own room. How fucking sick is that!?  
  
"You are a strange, strange kid...yep, your Goku's son alright." Piccolo said as he turned to leave but Goten quickly latched on to his leg.  
  
"But Piccoloooooooo! I love you man!"   
  
"I could care less. G'bye." Piccolo said as he vanished right in Goten's arms. Goten blinked before sniveling and sobbing like the little girl he was.   
  
"Why?! Why does he deny my love?! WHHY!?!"  
  
"WHY!?" Goku sobbed from beside Goten. Goten immediately stopped crying and slowly looked over to his father.  
  
"Dad...get...out."  
  
"Okay!" Goku chirped as he instant transmission-ed back to where ever he'd come from leaving Goten to wonder if he was adopted.  
  
(THE NEXT DAY)  
  
The next day found Trunks taking a bath (remember that he has to bathe outside. See chapter 1) and constantly looking over to his father's GR. Vegeta had been acting awful weird lately, talking about going to Seattle and getting in touch with his 'Cobain-side' and learning how to raise cattle. Trunks didn't know what that meant, but he knew he must fear it for the sake of his sanity. Trunks shrugged, lathered his hands with shampoo, and began washing his hair for the second time (bad masturbating incident. Don't ask) that day. As he scrubbed furiously, a shadow appeared over his body. Trunks suddenly noticed and jerked his head up only to find himself face to face with Goten.  
  
"Uh Trunks?" Goten asked nervously. The purple-haired one's eyes were stuck on Goten's face, his hands immobile in his hair. Goten cocked his head to the side in confusion as Trunks stared.  
  
"Trunks? Is anybody in there? Did your dad...molest you again?"  
  
"I NEVER MOLESTED MY SON GODDAMNIT!" At this, Trunks blinked, blushed and dunked his head under the water, efficiently rinsing his hair and came back up.  
  
"Uh what can I do for you Goten-kun?"  
  
"Well, you see...I'm having love troubles!" Goten said blushing making himself look absolutely adorable. He turned around and started rambling off about his problem, unknowingly making poor Trunks as hard as a diamond. At this rate, Trunks could start taking Viagra as drugs because he wouldn't need it. He was so hard his dick started putting a dent in his little washtub. Goten turned back around and finished his rambling and Trunks scrambled to hide his too, too obvious...*cough* erection if that's what ya wanna call it.   
  
"Just who are you in love with anyway?" Trunks asked secretly thinking "It's me! It's me!"  
  
"PICCOLO-SAN! DAI SUKI!" Goten shrieked like the woman he was. Trunks suddenly turned an abnormal shade of red then purple, his erection quickly dying.  
  
"WHA?!" He shrieked sounding more like Satan then a human/saiya-jin amalgam. Goten bounced around happily, ignoring all this and ranted on about how much he loved the mysterious Nameksei-jin.  
  
(Inside Trunks' mind)  
  
Mental Note to Self: Seek counseling, annihilate Piccolo.  
AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRG!  
  
(Enough of that)  
  
"Trunks? TRUNKS!?"  
  
"Humdinalana?" Trunks muttered as he snapped out of his daze to see that Goten was leaning over his man hood. At that, Trunks got super hard again and passed out from the rush of blood. Goten shrugged and danced off.  
  
(LATER THAT NIGHT)  
  
Trunks trudged through the desert looking for the man/being that stole his beloved heart so he con take it back and kick him in his non-existent nuts. Trunks, armed with his usual stalk-gear (video camera and tape recorder), set off on a Mystical Adventure to find Piccolo and kill him. Trunks stopped at the place where his "nightmare" had begun last night and looked around.  
  
"Uh...Riccola?" He said timidly. He had a mini-flash back of the things that Goten had done when Piccolo grabbed him and, with a shrug, mentally ripped his pride to a thousand pieces and did a little twirl before pretending to fall unconscious. A few seconds later, he heard "Leave That Thing Alone" by Rush play. Trunks dared a look and, to his horror, saw Piccolo coming towards him doing ballet. He picked Trunks up then vanished.  
  
"Wonder what that was?" said Gohan and Goku just shrugged before they ran in opposite directions of each other.  
  
(AT CAPSULE CORP)  
  
"Bulma, I am leaving."  
  
"What?! Why?!"  
  
"Because I can't take it here any more!" Vegeta shout picking up his already packed back-pack and headed for the door before he heard Bulma screaming "Always, Always, Always, Always, Always, Always I JUST CAN'T LIVE WITH OUT YOU!" Vegeta just shook his head and took off for Seattle.  
_______________________________________________________________   
Saliva fans will laugh at that last line so hard...!  
  
Cell: Is Trunks really gonna kill Piccolo? What's up with Bulma? Why oh why does Goku keep popping up out of no where? What IS WITH THIS FIC?! All this and more next time.  
  
DD: Cya! 


	3. Tom Sawyer

Love, Love It's Everywhere...And I'm Hating It  
I am, indeed, hating it...but I am enjoying my success!   
  
DD: We are too. Get's us paid! *Pays Landlady*  
  
Landlady: YOU'RE LATE!  
  
Cell: Don't hurt us...!  
  
Heh-heh...I'll protect you...!  
  
DD: Don't do us any favors.  
  
Okay, let us—  
  
DD: Begin the madness!  
_______________________________________________________________  
(IN SEATTLE)  
  
Instead of Montana, Vegeta had opted for Seattle, Washington in the states. Hey, it beat Walla-Walla. He probably should have done the smart thing and moved to Miami or Orlando or maybe even Canada, but we all know Vegeta isn't the brightest white in the laundry so we'll let it slide. He touched down in the middle of the country side. He looked all around him and decided it was perfect. There was a barn, a shed, an empty house, and field of endless grain that he could sell for profit. This would be the best vacation ever! (Vegeta's never HAD a vacation)  
  
"Smell that air baby! I can come here to get away from it all!" Vegeta said gliding over to the empty house. It was nicely furnished with an upstairs, a down stairs, a kitchen, a bathroom, a living room, and a bedroom. Oh and there was an attic with a noose hanging down from it "just in case". Vegeta plopped down on the old yet comfy couch and took out his cell phone and ordered pizza.  
  
(CAPSULE CORP)  
  
Trunks woke up in a...hotel room?! He quickly sat up and nearly broke his neck checking the place out.  
  
"What in hell's name?!"  
  
"Hell doesn't have a name...unless it's Hellene or Hellen with 2 'L's"  
  
"Hellen can have 2 L's—whoa, Piccolo!" Trunks exclaimed as the object of his object of affection's affection stood proud and tall in front of him.  
  
"Yes it can...and yes it is I, the great Piccolo. Ms. Jackson if ya nasty."  
  
"....You stole my boyfriend!"  
  
"So all that sexual abuse from your father made you gay?" At this, Trunks cell phone that appeared out of nowhere rung loudly.  
  
"Hello?"  
  
"I didn't molest you."  
  
"Dad?! Where—" Click. Beeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep—uh I mean the soft click at the other end signaled that whoever had called had hung up. Trunks looked incredulously at the phone and Piccolo just looked cool as ice. Ice, ice baby/vanilla dum-dum-dum-da-da-dum-dum dum-dum-dum-dum-da-da-da-dum twang-twang...  
  
"Why'd you bring me to a hotel?"  
  
"Because I could. What's this mess about a boyfriend?"  
  
"...OH! Goten's in love with you when it should be me! MEEEE!" Trunks shouted as he jumped up from the bed only to find himself head first on the floor. Piccolo raised an eyebrow and shook his head slowly before moving for the door.  
  
"Wait! You can't just leave! I challenge ye to a du-el!" Trunks proclaimed with his face still on the floor. Piccolo walked over and put his foot on the demi-saiya-jin's purple head.  
  
"Listen little dude, just except the fact that Goten is in love with me. He'll get over it you moron. Plus, I see why. I am better than you after all."  
  
"You're not better than me!"  
  
"Am too."  
  
"Well I have purple hair!"  
  
"I'm green."   
  
"I'm 9 inches!"  
  
"I can grow a 15 inch if I wanted to. And I do Viagra not take it."  
  
"...You bastard."  
  
"Oh yeah." Piccolo remarked cockily like the cool mofo he was. He took his foot away and vanished in that oh-so cool way I make him do in every chapter. Trunks rose up and looked around the room only to realize Piccolo was gone.  
  
"He got away AGAIN! I will find you Piccolo and when I do you're DEAD!"  
  
"You can't kill him!" Goku said popping out of nowhere like he does every chapter. Trunks slowly turned his head to look at the older saiya-jin.  
  
"....Goku-san, where do you come from when you do this?"  
  
"Do what?"  
  
"Pop out of nowhere."  
  
"No place in particular. Maybe the kitchen or my room."  
  
"How?"  
  
"Instant transmission!" Goku stated triumphantly as he held to fingers to his head. Trunks face-faulted and scratched his head with his index finger.   
  
"Why?"  
  
"....I dunno!"   
  
"...Go away Goku-san."  
  
"Can do!" Goku said with a grin and he disappeared, leaving Goku to wonder if Goten was adopted.  
  
(IN SEATTLE)  
  
Vegeta was having a grand ol' time. He had robbed his neighbors from 20 miles down the street, sold that in the nearest city (Which disappointingly was Walla-Walla) bought some sheep, sold three bags of wool to his neighbors 20 miles up the street, bought cattle with that money from the neighbors he robbed 20 miles down (apparently the 100 plus 4,000 of his own money was enough to make them drop the charges) and was now herding them across his 190 acres of land (that he got with blood, sweat, and a few tears) with the SUV he'd stolen from a pimp earlier.   
  
"Get along little doggies! Yee-haw!" Vegeta called cracking a bullwhip. As he was cackling wildly as the cattle mooed and shouted their disapproval at him, Goku appeared in front of his vehicle and started running so he wouldn't get hit. Luckily Vegeta was only going about 20 so he had no trouble staying ahead.  
  
"Hey Vegeta!! What'cha doing?!  
  
"Get out of my way Kakarotto!! I'm busy!!"  
  
"What are you doin?!"  
  
"Herding cattle! Now go away!!"  
  
"Why are you all the way out here anyway?! Shouldn't you be molesting Trunks or something?!" At this last comment, Vegeta saw red...well not really, but if he got caught for what he was about to do, he could blame it on that anyway. He pushed on the breaks and Goku stopped running and the cattle were about 30 feet away by this time but had stopped running as well.  
  
"Vegeta?" Goku asked innocently. Vegeta stuck his hand out of the window and displayed his middle finger for all to see before slamming down with both feet on the gas pedal.  
  
"DIE YOU DAMN DIRTY APE!!" Vegeta said as the car swerved side ways before coming around to hit Goku broadside at 200 miles per hour (I know SUVs probably can't go that fast but what the hell? It's my story).  
  
Goku never had a chance on account that when a car is in front of you, you expect it to come at you from the front, not the side especially when the car's only 3 feet away from you.  
  
The car's sudden jolt signaled that Goku had, indeed, been run over but not by a reindeer. Vegeta smirked and kept going, rolling down his window shouting to the cattle, "MOVE IT!"   
  
Goku lay flat on his back sprawled out spread eagle style. While he wasn't dead, he was in a world of hurt and everything was really blurry and dark which probably wasn't very good.  
  
"Ohhh...ouch..." Goku moaned. He placed his fingers to his head (or partially anyway) and managed to transport himself to the nearest hospital.  
  
(SON RESIDENCE)   
  
"Shupa-Shupi-Shupa-Shu Pikkoro—"  
  
"O-yatsu wo wakuwaku matte 'ru kibun—"  
  
"Shupa-Shupi-Shupa-Shu Pikkoro—"  
  
"Nee Nee Tsuyoi zo Tsuyoi n' datte ba—"  
  
"Pikkoro-San Dai Dai Dai Dai Da~i-Suki!!" Goten and Gohan finished off in the bathroom together. No telling why they were both in the bathroom together though. Maybe Gohan was lured in by the sound of Goten singing his song and wants his royalties. Who knows, he was just there okay? Goten was in the shower and Gohan was brushing his teeth with a towel around his waist.  
  
"Hey Goten, why all the Piccolo songs?"  
  
"Because, dear brother, I am in love with him! HA!"  
  
"...Why?"  
  
"I don't know. Maybe it's because of my increasing desire to get laid, or that Piccolo's cooler than Antarctica...or maybe it's both!"  
  
"Right. Well I'm married so I really don't care."  
  
"Mm. Why are you here anyway?"  
  
"You know what? I don't know. If you need me I'll be outside doin some stuff." Gohan said, taking his towel of revealing his manly.....................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................Boxer shorts. He skipped like a girl out of the bathroom and downstairs and then outside where he went and did stuff. Goten whacked off for 40 minutes in the shower before re-showering and hoping out. He was preparing to brush his teeth when there was a knock on the door.  
  
"Yes?"  
  
"Goten? What are you doing?" Goku called out in a weak voice. Turned out that the only injury he had from the Seattle incident was a broken arm and leg, strangely on the same side: the right. Coincidence? I think not. Well anyway, Goku could now freely roll around the house in his wheel chair with 'I LOVE MICK JAGGER' on the back in bold white lettering so that every one could plainly see that he loved Mick Jagger.   
  
"Having a staff meeting!"  
  
"Oh, right. Well when you're done, Piccolo wants to see you." Goku said. There was silence before Goten heard the sound of wheels screeching, a pig squealing, and the sound of boulders falling off the very top of Notre Dame and realizing that his father had fallen down the stairs again.  
  
"I will never have peace." Goten said as he jumped out of the bathroom, fully clothed, and walked down the stairs to see his father sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs and Piccolo looking at him like he was the biggest idiot in the world...but can ya blame him?   
  
"Eh-heh-heh...Goten, would ya mind givin yer old man a hand?" Goku asked sheepishly and Goten resisted the urge to blow him up on the spot for making him look stupid in front of Piccolo. He instead sighed and helped his dad up back on to his Mick Jagger-wheelchair. Goku rolled his way out the door to join Gohan in doing stuff. Piccolo shook his head in pity.  
  
"Darlin I'm too cool for you."  
  
"WAH!" Goten shouted and attached himself to Piccolo's leg.  
  
"Get off me damnit! Goten, this has gone on far enough! Aren't you already dating someone anyway?!"  
  
"Nooo..."  
  
"Well you should! You can't keep following me around! Oh wait, that's Trunks."  
  
"TRUNKS IS IN LOVE WITH YOU TOO?! NOOOOOO!"   
  
"No, but you are there for he is stalking me! I want you both to stop it, get together, and have sex 3 times a day 4 on the weekends!" Piccolo shouted angrily. Goten looked up and raised an eyebrow.  
  
"Why can't we do that?"  
  
"I'm asexual!"  
  
"One wish from the dragon and some Viagra will change that."  
  
"I'm addicted to Viagra! And I don't want to become male!"  
  
"You are male!"  
  
"....Hey, your right. And I am too cool for you people...but that's beside my point. We can't go on together with suspicious minds!"   
  
"Saywha?"  
  
"You know what I mean."  
  
"No I don—"  
  
"Goten, face it. I'm too hot for you and I'm a tad older my friend. Plus, I just don't like you that way."  
  
"Is it because I'm half saiya-jin?!"  
  
"Actually it's more or less because you're related to Gohan."  
  
"Oh...that's not fair!"  
  
"Ohhh yes it is. Now you've got to move on kid. Find someone else...like Trunks. He'll probably be the easiest thing you hit on. But I, of course, am too advanced for such an amateur like you, there for you must move on and forget about me."  
  
"NEVER!"  
  
"DO IT!!"  
  
"Okay." Goten answered meekly and Piccolo vanished just because I can't stand seeing him use the door or a widow.  
  
"Who was that?" ChiChi asked because I felt like putting her there.  
  
"Oh no one...just my...unrequited love! WAAAAAAAAHHHH! HE BROKE MY HEART AND DID IT SO FUCKING....COOL!" Goten sobbed like the little girl he was and he was right of course because we all know that only Piccolo could pull of breaking some one's heart in 4 and looking so damn awesome. Gohan and Goku returned inside after whatever they were doing and saw Goten sobbing on the floor.  
  
"Goten, what's wrong?"  
  
"Piccolo just crushed me and it was awesome!"  
  
"...." was the response from both of the older Saiya-jin. And at that particular moment, Trunks—who heard poor Goten crying a mile away—crashed in through the window, managing to look awesome...well on a scale from 1 to 10 he'd been like 6, but that's okay. We're not all perfect. Anyways, Trunks crashed in through the window and Goten stopped sobbing.  
  
"Never fear, Trunks is here!"  
  
"Trunks, what are you doing?"  
  
"Coming to save you and comfort you in your time of need!"  
  
"...That's nice. Really, it is. But you can leave now."  
  
"Why?! Why do you resist my charms?!"  
  
"Because I just do. Come back when I start getting screwed by Piccolo about 7 times a day and 8 on the weekends and maybe we'll talk."  
  
"...7 times...a day...?! I could do that..."  
  
"Great. Go away now Trunks." Goten said getting up. Tears sprang to Trunks' eyes as he pointed a finger at Goten semi-triumphantly.  
  
"I will claim you!"  
  
"In hell purple-boy." Goten said flatly. Trunks waited a few seconds before sobbing, jumping back out the window and running around in a circle like a little sissy before taking off.  
  
(IN SEATTLE)  
  
Vegeta sat under a tree reading "Scarred" while his sheep grazed on grass in the huge field they were in.  
  
"Hmm...ah-ha...uh-huh...run you damn fool...ouch...oh that's not good...oi momma....wow..." Vegeta muttered under his breath with every sentence, his eyes getting impossibly wide with every word. He had by now gotten in to the Seattle spirit and was wearing a blue and black plaid shirt with jeans with rips in the knees and 5 inch high-heeled boots, but that was just because he wanted to. As he got deeper in to the book, he barely registered a sheep nudging his leg.  
  
"Huh? Oh hi there. Get away, go graze or something." Vegeta said finally noticing the creature. But the sheep wouldn't go away and it stared at Vegeta with big brown eyes. Vegeta stared right back, unblinkingly, at the creature before turning back to his book. Before long, Vegeta began to feel the gaze of thousands and when he looked up from his book, he noticed that all the sheep were staring at him.  
  
"...Okay gettin' weird...." Vegeta mumbled and he started moving back up against the tree because who doesn't get scared by 1,000 some even sheep staring at your very eyeballs? The sheep continued to stare and Vegeta continued to stare right back. Then, in a pure act of fury, they all rose up and shouted "BAAA!" before turning back around and continuing to graze in peace. Vegeta hesitantly rose up and took off to the left and came back with a shot gun.  
  
"If they do that again I'm having lamb-chops so help me!"  
  
(CAPSULE CORP)  
  
"Oh mother, it's impossible!"  
  
"What's impossible Trunks?"  
  
"Impossible to become cool like Piccolo so that Goten will like me!"  
  
"Goten already likes you!"  
  
"Yeah as a friend!" stated a distraught Trunks as he conversed with his mother in the kitchen. Bulma cocked her head to the side in confusion at her son.  
  
"What do you mean...you don't..."  
  
"Hey, you said you'd still love me if I were gay!"  
  
"...All Vegeta's molesting has finally made you gay!? Damn him!!" Bulma shouted slamming her fist on the table. At that moment, the phone rang and Trunks went to pick it up.  
  
"Hello?" he said but the only reply he got was the sound of a chainsaw, pigs being slaughtered, and Michael Jackson's "Thriller" playing in the background. Bulma was silent as he son turned back around, eyes wide and full of fear.  
  
"I don't think we should say things like that anymore...!" Trunks said shakily.   
  
"Why?"  
  
"HE might...hurt us..." Trunks said sitting back down in front of his mom.   
  
"...Well anyway, what's this about Piccolo?"  
  
"OH! Well, he stole Goten from me damnit!"  
  
"Stole him?"  
  
"Piccolo's so damn cool he stole my would-be boyfriend! I've been in love with Goten all my life!"  
  
(Flashback)  
  
Trunks: *Jumps down from the C.C roof* Ha-ha!  
  
Goten: Trunks, what was that?  
  
Trunks: I wanted to impress you!  
  
Goten: ...Didn't work buddy. Lets just go do some stuff.  
  
Trunks: But—  
  
Goten: SILENCE! *Cracks whip*  
  
Trunks: ...yes dear...  
  
(End Flashback)  
  
"...I didn't realize how twisted a child hood you had."  
  
"In-deed. But what am I gonna do mom?!"  
  
"Well maybe you could win Goten in a duel of some sort or passionately confess your love to him with hot Latin music playing in the back ground...!"  
  
"...That just might work but I don't think I'm trying it." Trunks said slowly, backing away from his mother. But, Bulma being the persistent person she was, reached across the table and grabbed him.  
  
"NO! WE WILL DO THIS TRUNKS M'BOY! WITH GOD AS MY WITNESS Goten WILL BE YOURS!"  
  
"...yey...please don't hurt me..."  
  
(IN SEATTLE)  
  
Vegeta sat on a stool milking a cow. Until he raised enough money for a grinder, he'd have to settle for being a milk-maid for now. A few kids had come over earlier and tried to knock over his cow and they were now in the hospital for head fractures and one kid had a broken arm, but that was because he tried to run while Vegeta was twisting his arm and his brother nearly broke his neck trying to get down from where Vegeta had hung him by his feet. When it got too much, Vegeta just chased the rest of them out wearing a hockey mask and wielding a chainsaw. And now, 3 hours later, he was milking a cow.   
  
"Y'know, this is actually fun! I get paid for milk, I have an endless field of grain for profit, and if I get bored I can chase kids around in a hockey mask and my chainsaw! Plus, I'm only a few hors drive from the grave of Kurt Cobain! Who's ready for pilgrimage baby?!" Vegeta shouted triumphantly, falling over in the process. He got back up and went back to his milking.  
  
"And what's better, the next person that accuses me of child molestation I can just kill! This place is miles away from the city the police wouldn't get down here alive!" Vegeta said to him self. At that moment of bliss, Goku appeared, wheelchair and all, right next to him.  
  
"Hi Vegeta!"  
  
"Go away Kakarotto."  
  
"Are ya still makin money?"  
  
"In a few years I'll be rich damnit!"  
  
"Oh...ooh, cow! Hey, can you get chocolate milk from a brown cow?"  
  
"No."  
  
"Aw damn, I want chocolate milk."  
  
"Oh well. Now go away."  
  
"...I LOVE MICK JAGGER!" At this Vegeta sighed and got up. He went out of the little barn he was in and came back in a hockey mask with a chainsaw. Goku shrieked like a little girl, revved his wheelchair up and he was off, zooming through the wheat field with Vegeta a few miles behind him.  
  
"Give it up Kakarotto! Out here, no one can hear you scream bitch!"  
  
"GAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!"  
  
"AH HAHAHAHAHAHAAA!" Vegeta cackled as he chased Goku up and down the country side.  
_______________________________________________________________  
Now THAT was an abrupt ending! One of my longer chapters I think...time to write: 6 hours not including breaks! HOO-HOO!   
  
DD: So what is Bulma's master plan? Why is Trunks such a girl? Why the hell is Piccolo so cool?! WHAT IS WITH THIS FIC!? Oh I already asked that...well any way all this and more next time.  
  
Cell: CU. 


	4. La Villa Strangiato

Love, Love It's Everywhere...And I'm Hating It  
Hah! The one-sided battle for Goten technically begins today but gets wacky tomorrow   
  
DD: Yay!   
  
Cell: God help us all.  
  
But first I'd like to say thanks to my reviewers. You guys (and/or girls) rock. And I try to throw in a bit of "Vegeta in Seattle" every now and then. Like at the begging or the end of the fic.  
  
Cell: Why? Because he's in SEATTLE. And he probably won't be back for this fic. But at least you know he's here.   
  
In our hearts...*snickers*   
  
DD: Heh-heh  
  
Begin the almighty madness  
_______________________________________________________________  
(IN SEATTLE)  
  
Vegeta had given up chasing Goku 2 hours ago and it was now 6:30 PM. For a guy with one arm and in a wheel chair to boot he could...wheel pretty damn fast. The Saiya-jin prince now sat on his fluffy, 9 ft. high, 6 ft. wide feather bed with baby blue quilting and 5 HUMONGOUS for his little Veggie head (he needed five because of his hair). He sat on his huge bed knitting. Why was he knitting? Because the damn quilt on the bed was too small and he had started this yesterday and now he was on a mission to finish it. The fabric was velvety and deep purple like the group. The room it's self was a sort of beige color with a tan carpet. There was a big screen TV that took up the whole northern wall and in the corner was a dim 3-way light (that he'd bought) that somehow made the room seem bigger and in the other corner a table with a tube of Torengos™ on it. Also, Vegeta had switched from blue-black plaid to yellow-green plaid with hunter green shorts.   
  
"Damnit...must...finish...8 ft...quilt...!" Vegeta chanted to himself. He had just finished the 3rd foot when his cell phone rang.  
  
"ACK! Oh, who the hell would be calling me?" Vegeta said as he opened up the phone and answered, "Moshi, if your trying to sell me something I'll hunt you down and kill you." as sweetly as at all possible.  
  
"Dad?"  
  
"Trunks? Boy, what the hell do you want?"  
  
"Dad...I need love advice..." Trunks said as something crashed in the background. There was the sound of someone running from Michael Myers and Jason Voorhees cutting them off with a rubber chicken. Vegeta raised his eyebrows as all the commotion went on in the background.  
  
"Uh...Trunks? Helloooo?"  
  
"Uh sorry about that! Anyways, I need love advice dad! I'm desperate!"   
  
"Well who's the unfortunate girl?"  
  
"Um...her name is...Dokken!"  
  
"...Dokken? Who named their child Dokken?"  
  
"They're big, big, BIG metal fans...!"   
  
"Of course...but why Dokken?"  
  
"Dad, it's not important!" shouted an exasperated Trunks. Vegeta hummed the first few chords of "Tooth and Nail" much to Trunks' annoyance.  
  
"I thought you were into the "Seattle Grunge" movement?"  
  
"I am. I'm also into the alternative metal, art metal, heavy metal, dark metal, rock, hard rock and soft rock movements. So Miss..."  
  
"Kyuss."  
  
"...Dokken Kyuss? Are you messing around with me?"  
  
"I kid you not! But I'm having trouble showing that I like her..."  
  
"What's she like?" Vegeta breathed out as he laid back and continued his knitting.  
  
"Well uh...she's pretty, kinda goofy, strong, and...she's in love with someone else!"  
  
"And? You're my son damnit, charm her and impress her!"   
  
"But this guy is TOO cool!"   
  
"Kick his ass!"  
  
"She'd kill me!"  
  
"Oh boy. Well have you tried singing to her? Women like love songs. Like Depache Mode or even the Cure. Guns 'n' Roses work too."  
  
"...Dad, you should know I'm not into rock like that!"  
  
"Its time to start damnit!" Vegeta said grabbing the Torengos ™ can and tossing back 5 chips.   
  
"What do you know?"  
  
"Uh...Madonna, George Michael, I know a little GNR..."  
  
"How little?"  
  
"A bit of "Civil War" and "Patience"..."  
  
"That will never do! Damnit...you said Michael Jackson?"  
  
"Actually I said George Michael."  
  
"Oh what we're you going to do, go up to her and start saying "I want your sex"?!"  
  
"NO!"  
  
"Well you WILL learn Michael Jackson!" Vegeta shouted around a mouth full of chips. He swallowed and added, "Even if I have to drag you up here and train you myself!"  
  
"I thought you were rock/metal-only?"  
  
"I'm versatile."  
  
"Oh...well I already know one song by him by heart—"  
  
"Well sing that! As long as it's not "Leave Me Alone", all of Michael's songs are sappy little love songs that'll not only sicken her but make her fall in love with you quicker than the Hindenburg!" Vegeta shouted as he took a look out the one window in his room. Outside, some stupid kids were trying to fuck his poor cows. They would have to pay.  
  
"But—"  
  
"Look boy, I have to get back to my knitting and some kids outside are dry-humping my livestock. Look, you're my son! Anything you sing—and give her flowers and chocolates—will most likely win her over! And remember: I never molested you biotch!" Click. Beeee—uh I mean the soft click at the end of the other line signaled that Vegeta had hung up. Unfortunately, Trunks never got a chance to mention that the only Michael Jackson song he knew was "Thriller". Had he listened, he might have been able to save his son from a world of hurt.  
Oh Vegeta, Vegeta, Vegeta....  
Vegeta put on his hockey mask and grabbed his chainsaw and ran outside to teach those kids why you don't go to farms at night.  
  
"Hey, I dare you to fuck that cow!" said one kid whom we shall call Tommy, pointing to a random cow. There were 4 kids and 9 cows. The kids were all dressed in black leather with their hair slicked back. Why? I have no idea...damn 1st graders...  
  
"Okay, "said another kid who we shall call Nathaniel "but only for 4 dollars!"  
  
"D-did you guys h-hear that?!" said another boy whom we shall dub Billy. The others shook there heads as Nathaniel crept up to a cow. He then stopped as he heard another rustling noise then...the sound of a chainsaw.  
  
"AAAAAAH! It's Jason!" Billy shrieked like a little girl. Vegeta came out of the wheat field like vapor slashing his chainsaw about like the madman he was. The four boys started running, tripping over themselves as Vegeta chased them up and down the field cackling psychotically.   
  
(CAPSULE CORP)  
  
Trunks hung up the phone with a shrug and flopped down on the couch. His father has given him some...interesting advice and by God he was going to take it but he felt bad about locking his mother up in the closet. He'd made up his mind: he was going to sing "Thriller". But how to pull it off with out looking like a complete retard was the question.   
  
"Aw man, this is bitchin (translation: Damnit this sucks!)!" Trunks exclaimed in frustration. He collapsed back on his bed in anger and gave a shaky sigh. He looked close to tears.  
  
"Oh Goten...damn you Piccolo! I can't kill you but your too fucking cool for me to try and take Goten away from you! WHY?!" Trunks screamed at no one in particular. Trunks was about to jump out of his window and see how far he would get on the ground before his instincts kicked in and he soared up to the heavens when a thin beam of light appeared in his room. The beam got wider and wider until a form appeared and the light dimmed around the form.   
  
"God!?"  
  
"No you moron, James!"  
  
"...James?"  
  
"James Hetfield of Metallica!"  
  
"...Me...ta...llica?"  
  
"That's right chico!" James said spinning around and the light disappeared completely in a flash. When he turned back to face Trunks he was grinning like a psychopath.  
  
"Why are you in my room!?"  
  
"To give you some luuuuv advice! Listen, you want to impress this guy Goten right? And your going to sing the song "Thriller" which is a HORRIBLE idea but I'm gonna make it work muh man!"   
  
"How James Hetfield of Metallica?"  
  
"Master is just fine. And I will make this work because damnit I'm the 3rd coolest guy on the planet!"  
  
"Who's the 1st?"  
  
"Ozzy Osbourne but don't tell me you want him."  
  
"...Who's the 2nd?"  
  
"Trent Reznor."  
  
"Why couldn't I get him?"  
  
"Let's just say...if you did you'd be in a world of hurt. Look, just trust me on this kid. I could just see how hopeless you are and kill ya, but I'm feelin merciful." James said with a sigh. He flopped down on Trunks' bed and when he flicked on the TV, lo and behold the video for "Thriller" was on. Coincidence? If you think that you are a fool.  
  
"THAT is how I'm gonna help you."  
  
"......Are you sure this will work?"  
  
"If it doesn't I have a back up plan chico. Now watch and learn...and then I'll show ya how to pull it off with out getting killed."   
  
(SON RESIDENCE)   
  
Gohan was in the shower and Goten was staring at himself in the mirror. Why? The world may never know. Just deal with it. So anyway, they were in the bathroom together and not singing for once thank god.   
  
"Goten, what are you thinking?"  
  
"About Piccolo, duh! I think I'm gonna kidnap him and seduce him!" Goten giggled like a girl. Yes it was true, Goten was slowly going down that road to teenybopper-dom. And it was horrible witnessing it all, but it's kinda essential to the plot, y'know. Okay, enough of that.   
  
"Goten I think this little obsession has gone on far enough. You have to let Piccolo go!"  
  
"Never! Why do you care, your married!"  
  
"...I am? Oh yeah, I am." Gohan mumbled and jumped out of the shower. Goten shrugged and splashed some water on his face. Then there was a knock on the door.  
  
"This is becoming routine dad!"  
  
"It's your mother!" ChiChi called. She then added, "Phone for you!"  
  
"Phone for me? Ooh!" Goten squealed and Gohan just shook his head. Goten, suddenly fully dressed, ran outside the bathroom and downstairs to answer the phone.   
  
"Y'ello, you've got Papa John's. May I take your order?"  
  
"...Pepperoni pizza, 2 extra cheeses, 3 Supremes and 2 cokes."  
  
"Right, got'cha! Can I get your address?"  
  
"Capsule Corp."  
  
"Alright! Be there in 10 or so!" Goten said as he hung up. He ran in to the kitchen and came out with one pepperoni pizza, 2 with extra cheese, 3 with everything and 2 cokes.   
  
"Where ya goin' lil bro?" Gohan who was now wearing a kimono for some odd reason asked.  
  
"To Capsule Corp for a delivery." Goten said as he ran to the door and took off.  
  
"....We don't do deliveries...of anything....."  
  
(CAPSULE CORP)  
  
"Hey James, I just ordered pizza!"  
  
"Excellent! From where?"  
  
"Papa John's."  
  
"Awesome." James said as he reclined on Trunks' bed. There was a knock at his window and when James opened it, Goten was floating outside bearing pizza and coke.  
  
"Pizza's here!" he called. Goten floated in, set the pizzas and coke on the bed and zoomed back out the window.  
  
"Woo-hoo!"  
  
"Trunks...you were calling Goten...how'd we get pizza?"  
  
"....I have NO idea."  
  
(SON RESIDENCE)  
  
Gohan still stood at the foot of the stairs trying to figure out since when did Goten do Papa John's deliveries. He had decided it was better not to ask when Goten materialized on the couch.   
  
"Oh dear younger brother, where did you go?"  
  
"Off to Capsule Corp ho-ho-ho!"  
  
"Oh dear younger brother, what did you see?"  
  
"James and Trunks who still likes me!"  
  
"Oh dear younger brother, what did you hear?"  
  
"Nothing except "Have no fear!""   
  
"Okay...." Gohan said shaking his head. He considered shooting himself but settled on perhaps returning to his sane family. He went upstairs to pack his things muttering, "Help me Kami."  
Goten was tapping his thigh to a tune only he could hear when the phone rang again.  
  
"Moshi, moshi?"  
  
"Hey Goten! It's your buddy!"  
  
"George Michael?"  
  
"...No not that buddy. Guess again."  
  
"....Whitney Houston?"  
  
"...I'll give you one more guess."  
  
"...Ozzy?"  
  
"Goten, it's me. Trunks."  
  
"Oh Trunksie! What's up?"  
  
(On the other side of the line)  
  
"Did he just call you Trunksie?"  
  
"Frighteningly yes."  
  
(Enough of that)  
  
"Uh nothing's up...I just wanted to know if you wanted to go see a movie..."  
  
"Movie? What's playing?"  
  
"Batman again."  
  
"The first one?! It's still playing!?"  
  
"It WAS hella popular...and Tim Burton just is the man was the man is the man."  
  
"True, true. What time ol' buddy o' mine?"  
  
"Er the next one plays at 10."  
  
"10?"  
  
"Think about long the damn thing is."  
  
"...Your right. See you at 10?"  
  
"Yes!"  
  
"Bitchin. See ya." Goten said as he hung up the phone. Gohan came from downstairs with his suitcases packed and ready.  
  
"Where ya goin bro?"  
  
"Away. I think I may just join Vegeta in Seattle."  
  
"Bitchin, bro, bitchin." Goten said nodding. Gohan cocked his head to the side in confusion.  
  
"Did you just say...'bitchin'?"  
  
"Yeah, bitchin! Get into the lingo man!"  
  
"...How about I don't." Gohan said as he took off through the roof. Goten looked at the rather large whole in the roof then just shrugged.  
  
"Gohan is so bitchin man."  
  
(CAPSULE CORP)  
  
"Did he just say...'bitchin'?" James asked as Trunks hung up the phone. Trunks shrugged.  
  
"Goten is weird. If he wants to say bitchin all day then we should just...steer clear."  
  
"Right."  
  
(IN SEATTLE)  
  
Vegeta sat on his freshly made bed with the newly knitted quilt. After chasing those damn kids and hanging them by their heads on meat hooks in his barn, he'd gone straight back to knitting...and finally finished! Cheer for him now......okay stop.  
  
"Y'know I could learn to like this place..." Vegeta said as he leaned back and relaxed, his features set in an ecstatic smile before they suddenly dropped in to a frown.  
  
"I, for some reason, now really want to know who in hell's name is Dokken Kyuss...her parents must know Tool!" Vegeta said to himself. He was about to hop up (and possibly break his neck) to go do some stuff when a thin beam of light appeared in his room. It got wider and wider until a form appeared (sound familiar? Yes it does.).  
  
"...B...BONO!?"  
  
"Yeah, it's me." Bono said as he spun 'round and the light disappeared. Bono looked around before looking up and seeing Vegeta up on a 9 ft. bed.   
  
"Hey, come down here so we can talk! I'll catch ya!" Bono said holding his arms out. Vegeta snorted.  
  
"I don't need catching! I can fly!"  
  
"Do ya really need to waste ki on a 9 ft drop?"  
  
"...I guess not...promise to catch me?"  
  
"Yeah! Come on, I got ya! I wouldn't let anything happen to ya!" Bono said convincingly. Vegeta looked down before shrugging and jumping down. And Bono actually caught him. Bono set Vegeta down on the floor before flicking on the TV.  
  
"Vegeta we need to talk."  
  
"The kindest and coolest person in the world wants to talk to me? Why?"  
  
"Because your son's been lying to you! He's not in love with a lass he's in love with a lad! And his name isn't Dokken Kyuss its Son Goten. I think you know him."   
Needless to say, Vegeta nearly had a heart attack. Well actually he did but Bono, being the skilled and wonderful person he is, revived him before anything serious happened.   
  
"Are you alright?"  
  
"...You tell me that my son's in love with another male and expect me to be alright?! I'd kill you were you stand...! but I love you too much."  
  
"Aw, I luv you too! But I had to tell ya." Bono said semi regretfully. Vegeta nodded before leaning up against his bed.  
  
"So how long has this been going on?"  
  
"Oh...14 years?"  
  
"....Trunks is 19..."  
  
"Get me point? And now James Hetfield is helping him out all because YOU gave him some horrible advice."  
  
"ME!?"  
  
"YES YOU! Ahem, remember what you told 'im about Michael Jackson? Well the only MJ song he knows is "Thriller"! You bloody moron!"  
  
"NOOO! I must stop him! But..." Vegeta said looking out his window. Bono put his hands on his hips.  
  
"But what?" He asked hotly. "If your worried about your house I'll take care of it."  
  
"It's not that...It's Kurt Cobain..."  
  
"...What about him?"  
  
"I have...I...I have to see his grave!" Bono did something close to a face fault and his jaw hit the ground.  
  
"There...will be plenty of time for that later! Go save your son!"  
  
"I've been without it too long! You don't understand!"  
  
"Your right, I don't and I don't want to. Look, I'll visit it for you if I have to!"  
  
"NO! Its not the same!"  
  
"Dam—I mean darnit you stubborn little man! I'll go save your son and you go visit Kurt Cobain's grave alright?"  
  
"Okay! Good luck Bono-san."   
  
"Yeah, yeah." Bono said as he put one hand on his hip, his other in the air, snapped his fingers and he was gone.  
  
"Wow...Bono is cool..."  
_______________________________________________________________  
A lot of rock-stars ne? I'm surprised I didn't throw in Bruce Springsteen!  
  
DD: I am too. We hope to answer all Q's tomorrow muh friends!   
  
Cell: G'night Seattle we love you! 


	5. In the Mood

Love, Love It's Everywhere...And I'm Hating it  
Whew! I haven't updated in a while have I?  
  
DD: Yeah, you have.  
  
...Shhh.  
  
Cell: *Snicker. Looks outside* Is that sun I see?!  
  
WHERE!? *Looks outside* Naw, it's just real bright. Damnit.  
  
DD: Awww...darnit.  
  
Okay, so here's the test: Anyone see where I'm goin' with this? If so, please tell me. Much obliged.  
  
DD: *Nod* Even I have lost track since we brought Bono in to the picture. Why exactly did we bring Bono? Wha? You think we know?!  
  
Cell: Heh, see? I told you we need order!  
  
DD: Shut up Cell! That's what makes it so interesting that it's so random!  
  
Cell: Which may or may not be a good t'ing. Warning: Michael Jackson and Billy Idol parodies ahoy.  
  
Is he serious? Yes...I have finally done it...I'm parodying the greatest video of all time baby! Can you say THRILLER?! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAA! *Lightning cracks in the background*   
  
DD: ...God help us all. And does anyone see the pattern in chapter titling yet? No? Oh well.  
  
Begin ye all mighty madness.  
_______________________________________________________________  
  
(IN THE MIDDLE OF THE PACIFIC OCEAN)  
  
Bono had transported himself to the middle of the Pacific Ocean. Why? Well why don't you ask him that huh? Or maybe it's because he wants to flaunt his amazing swimming abilities, who knows? Just deal with it.  
  
"Damn Saiya-jin (It's no longer a secret baby)..." Bono muttered as he whistled and 24 man-eating, gray, blood-striped dolphins came to his aid, because Bono's that cool yes he is. They lined up in V-formation and Bono hopped on top of the lead one and grabbed the dorsal fin.  
  
"Ahem, as the English-Texans say: TALLEY HO GODDAMNIT!! YEE-HAAW!" Aaand they were off like lightning or sumthin like it.  
  
(CAPSULE CORP *dun, dun, DUN*)  
  
"James, thanks for all your help."  
  
"You are so welcome my friend! I just hope it works..." James said as he straightened Trunks' leather jacket. Trunks looked very, very...mean, let's say. He was decked out in:   
A) a black leather jacket  
B) a white wife beater with a thin white-gold chain  
C) black leather pants with duo white stripes down the sides  
D) white Nikes  
E) nails painted red  
F) a bit of mascara   
G) a bit of lip gloss  
Oh yeah...Trunks was lookin' meaner than a pit bull with PMS. And even James thought so and was about to skedaddle the hell out of there before things went horribly wrong or someone saw him with Trunks.  
  
"I hope you enjoy your date...and just remember everything I told you and you'll do fine chico!"  
  
"Right! Thanks!"   
  
"And tell me the end of Batman why don't you?" James called as Trunks sped out of Capsule Corp.  
  
(SON RESIDENCE)  
  
Goten was staring at his hair a bit longer in the mirror in the living room as Goku rolled his way around the living room (his leg and arm are still broken) in his newly dubbed Mick Jagger-mobile.   
  
"Dad, how do I look?" Goten asked his father. Goku stopped and looked at his son who was wearing a sparkly silver prom dress.  
  
"Goten...you look fabu! But I really, really must ask that you take off the dress. In fact, I DEMAND you do it."   
  
"Oh alright...spoilsport." Goten mumbled as he stomped up to his room to change out of the dress and in to some clothes. Goku nodded in approval and was about to go screw with Vegeta in Seattle when some one knocked on the door. Goku wheeled over and when he opened it, to his surprise a male Christina Aguilera (how the hell do you spell that?!) was standing outside.  
  
"Hiya Goku-san! Where's Goten?"  
  
"......"  
  
"...Goku-san?"  
  
"..." At this moment Goku broke in to the chorus of "Dirrty" and started rolling around in a circle on the living room floor. Trunks sweat dropped and Goten did the same thing as he came down stairs.  
  
"Uh dad?"  
  
"Dirrty! I think it's bout time—"  
  
"Dad?"  
  
"Party! Gunna get a little un—"  
  
"DAAAAAAD!"  
  
"WHAT?!" Goku shouted as he stopped his, ahem, antics. Trunks still stood in the door way, partially enjoying Goku's singing and the other part of him fairly frightened by it.  
  
"Dad, just stop it! Go to your room!"  
  
"But—"  
  
"DO IT DAMNIT!"   
  
"Oh...alright...spoilsport..." Goku said as he sulked off to his room. Goten shook his head in anger before catching Trunks in the door way and resisted the urge to start singing "Genie in a Bottle". Instead, he waved and materialized in an instant in front of a dazed n' confused Trunks. He snapped his fingers in front of his friend's face but got no response.  
  
"Trunksie? Trunks? Trunksie-wunksie-chan?"  
  
"...Did you just call me Trunksie-wunksie-chan?" Trunks said as he slowly came out of his daze. Goten nodded and said, "I always call you that...! Don't I?"  
  
"Nope, you sure don't."  
  
"...Let's go see Batman, the first 'n the best. Then go pick up some Sammy Hagar!" Goten shouted happily as he hooked Trunks' arm and dragged him out the door.  
  
(We now join Bono)  
  
Bono looked at his watch. It read 9:45 PM...which was very bad because he was still about a good 2-3 days away from Japan.  
  
"Damnit! I must go faster! HYAH!" he shouted to the dolphins who began picking up the pace, but it still wasn't enough. So what did our Bono do? He started singing, of course. Just think of a random U2 song off the top of your head and imagine him singing it okay? Good. The song was meant to inspire the dolphins to go faster and faster did they go. The team of dolphins sped across the ocean, splitting the normal time in half.  
  
"YES! Now, we're getting some where!...I just hope I can still save that poor boy in time! I hate Vegeta...but he is my biggest fan after all, and he's in need of my help! Take THAT Phil Collins! MWA HAHAHAHAHA!"  
  
(We now leave Bono and go to SEATTLE)  
  
Vegeta had been driving in the bleak morning light (let's pretend its dawn in Seattle) for about...oh...5 minutes in the red SUV he stole from a pimp (see earlier chaps). He was now wearing a black denim jacket with a white undershirt, jeans, and those 5-inch heeled boots he liked so much.  
  
"Must...see...grave...! I wonder how B-sama's doing?"   
  
"Oh he's fine." Said the ghost Kurt Cobain in the passenger seat. Vegeta was a tad afraid to look over since he KNEW there was NO ONE else in the car but him. He merely nodded and mentally screamed the song "Aneurysm" at the top of his lungs.  
  
(AT THE THEATRE)   
  
Goten, Trunks and a hundred thousand other people sat in the theatre during the 49th hundred screening of the first Batman movie. There was utter silence in the room as everyone sat wide-eyed and hunched over in their seats as the Joker went through destroying priceless paintings and Vicky Vale sat there looking pretty...pretty stupid that is. But then, finally, Goten could take no more as he stood up triumphantly and yelled "RUN YOU STUPID BIATCH!" and the rest of the theatre joined in his cry.  
1 hour and 30 minutes later found Goten and Trunks outside the theatre, red-eyed and angry at the movie's ending which was the same as always. But it still pissed a person off so hey.  
  
"Man, I love that movie."  
  
"I love Batman. He's way better than Superman dude! But Spiderman is the man was the man is the man!"  
  
"Chocala mano on that!" Trunks said as Goten high-fived him. Trunks was so swept up in the ecstasy of the moment he almost forgot his whole plan so let's remind him...now. HEY BONEHEAD YA GOTS A JOB TA DO!  
  
"What the?! Oh yeah, the plan!" Trunks said. He called Goten to a stop and clapped his hands twice.  
  
***MICHAEL JACKSON PARODY ALERT. RUN WHILE STILL POSSIBLE***  
  
"I'm five foot five average size, purple hair and pretty wise! My mom's a genius my dad's a prince, I'm rich and sex with me will make you wince! I jive you not and I'm in love its true and if you don't like me now Pic's death will do!" and with this last rhyme, Trunks clapped his hands and struck a Michael Jackson type pose and bunch of dead people materialized around him in the same position.   
  
Think "Thriller" video with Trunks as MJ.   
  
Goten blinked once, twice, thrice before saying "Ohhh Kami..." slowly and in a frightened way.   
  
"Y'KNOW I'M KILLER! KILLER GUY!"   
  
"..." was Goten's response as Trunks went in to a well, well-practiced dance routine with the dead people while singing his song. Everything looked so authentic that Goten found himself repeatedly checking his surroundings to make sure he was still in the real world. At this moment, unbeknownst to Trunks, Bono fell out of the sky, did a back-flip and landed softly on the ground next to Goten.  
  
"Oh no, I'm too late! Damnit all!"  
  
"...Bono?!"  
  
"Yeah, it's me. That's Trunks isn't it?"  
  
"...I do not know that man. My name is Vanessa Carlton Williams-Banks."  
  
"I see." Bono said rubbing his chin. He then clapped his hands on the right side of his head, spun around in a circle and transformed (no, not in to Sailor Moon) suddenly in to a pristine white suit.  
  
"Ya call that a video parody?! Eat this you bastard!" Bono shouted as Billy Idol's "White Wedding" started up.   
  
"....Nice day to start again—"  
  
"Nice day for a white wedding—"  
  
"Nice day to—"  
  
"Start again!" Goten and Bono finished off in a high note. Trunks cupped his hands over his ears and screamed, "AHHH! MEGUMI-SAMA!"  
  
(IN SEATTLE)  
  
Vegeta, after getting rid of his Kurt Cobain hallucination, was now well on his way to said man's grave. He now drove through a little suburb-ish part of a neighbor hood (a one legged man told him it was a short cut), humming along to "Double Talkin' Jive" (Nirvana would just depress him so close to Kurt's grave) by Guns 'N Roses when some one walked out in to the street. Vegeta was about to keep going when he stopped a ways back.   
  
"...He looks awful familiar...don't I know him?" Vegeta said as he squinted. Then another man walked out in to the street with the other guy. Now we had a blonde and a red head out in the street. They seem didn't notice Vegeta was almost a mile or so back (why would they? They had their backs turned) but the Saiya-jin no Ouji had no problem seeing them almost clearly.  
  
"...Oh my GAWD...is that...can't be...." Vegeta said insecurely as he leaned forward and squinted. Then realization hit.  
  
"Ouch!"  
  
Not literally. Tch, bonehead.  
  
"Oh...oh yeah. AYEE! THAT'S AXL ROSE AND DUFF MCKAGAN! In Seattle?! Oh yeah, D-san was born in Seattle! Tch, duh!" Vegeta the Rock Guru said with a sigh and a light tap to his head. Then, a surge of thoughts rushed like a molten river through Vegeta's little cranium and once again, he saw red. Or at least that's what he'd tell the judge when he got arrested for what he was about to do, which you may know as Vehicular Homicide or Attempted Murder. I and Vegeta like to call it SWEET, SWEET PAYBACK BIOTCH.  
  
"So...you can talk like old friends...you can be seen on stage together without actually being together...you can sing on each other's albums...but you CAN'T GIVE ME A REUNION TOUR YOU SCURVY BITCHES!" Vegeta shrieked but neither Axl nor Duff seemed to notice. Vegeta then opened the sun roof (let's pretend SUVs have them...if they don't) and managed to stand with all his weight on the gas pedal. Oh if he couldn't get both he'd damn sure get one or the other. He sped at the duo at what could've been well over 300 MPH but it probably wasn't. The two finally looked 'round and realized their lives were in great danger. While Duff-sama stood there like a deer caught in head lights, Axl-sama screamed bloody murder and took off down the street like a bolt of lightning. And by the time Duff-sama figured out what the hell was going on and decided to run if he wished to live, Axl-sama was 400 yards down the street and rounding a corner, proving once again that even though Axl Rose may have changed over the years, he still rocked and could run like hell and was smarter than your average blonde (no offense blondes). But then again, you'd break the sound barrier too if you were being chased by psychotic, road-raging Saiya-jin driving at 200 MPH.  
  
"AXL! AXL WAIT UP!"  
  
"FUCK YOU, YOU SCURVY BAND LEAVING JERK! SAVE YOUR OWN DAMN SELF!"  
  
"I DIDN'T WANNA LEAVE!!"  
  
"SHUT UP AND RUN OR DIE!" Axl screamed as he picked up his pace even more. Yes folks, not all white people trip when they're running for their lives. And Axl and Duff may have been the best of friends, but when it came to life or saving your friend, there was no choice to be made. Duff struggled to catch up but Axl was just too frigging fast. It was amazing how fast he could run for a 42 year old; in fact it was kinda spooky.  
  
"NAAAAAAAAAH!"  
  
(AT CAPSULE CORP)  
  
"You jerk! You said it would work!"  
  
"Well I didn't count on Bono being there!" James shouted. Trunks plopped down on the couch angrily. Goten had discovered his motives with Bono's help, gave him shiner big enough to be seen from Mars and sent him packing. Literally. James huffed and began pacing around the room in frustration.   
  
"Damnit...how'd Bono KNOW?"  
  
"How would I know!? All I know is that he was there at the WRONG moment and the WRONG time."  
  
"Tell me about it. I was so close...somehow I just KNOW my dad had something to do with this!!"  
  
(QUICK SEATTLE MOMENT)  
  
Axl: *On a dirt road running like mad* DUFF PICK UP THE FUCKIN PACE DAMNIT!  
  
Duff: I'M TRYING!  
  
Axl: I know you can run faster than that!  
  
Duff: Easy for you to say! *Nearly trips* GAH!  
  
(END QUICK SEATTLE MOMENT)  
  
"You know...I was just thinkin' the same thing."  
  
"Mmm...so now what?"  
  
"Now...plan beta." James said with another psychotic grin. He whipped around and opened the closet door that suddenly appeared there. Inside was a starved, rabid, tied and gagged Bulma staring wide eyed.  
  
"...That's plan Beta!?" asked a shocked Trunks. James nodded and his grin got impossibly wider. He reached in and grabbed Bulma by the rope that bound her and held her up.  
  
"THIS lil lady's gonna help us out! You'll see...Trunks! This is a force that not even Bono can stop!"   
  
"Bu—"  
  
"No buts! We're doing this and that's FINAL! Now see here..." James began explaining his new plan and Trunks listened intently.  
  
(IN SEATTLE)  
  
Vegeta had finally sat down after driving 3 ½ miles standing on the gas pedal...but he was still chasing Duff-sama and Axl-sama. Why? Why chase them and try to kill them if they were his 3rd favorite band? Well, it's because...you go listen to old Guns 'N Roses then go watch the 2002 Video Music Awards on MTV. You'd be pissed at a certain red-headed traitor too. But Axl's really not to blame...it's old GNR as a general. But enough of that, email me for the full rant. The point of the matter is that Duff-sama needed to stop skipping like a girl and be a man like Axl and start running like a fuckin' moron.  
  
"Do you know where you are baby!? You're in the jungle! You're gonna diiiiie!" Vegeta screamed and popped in "Appetite for Destruction" and played that infamous GNR song..."Welcome to the Jungle" at ear-drum bursting volume.  
  
"GAAH! How EEVIL! Hey, I sound good..." Axl muttered the last part. It wasn't like he had nothing to worry about, the SUV was going at 200 and he was somehow managing to stay at least 30 feet ahead of it...and Duff was about 2 feet behind his and this-close to getting hit.  
  
"Hey, I have a cell phone!" Duff-sama said to himself as he (Warning: the scene you're about to read is explained very poorly physically impossible...not to mention retarded. Caution) did double cart-wheel, a triple somersault, a flip and managed to catch up with Axl.  
  
"O_o...Dude!"  
  
"Hey, I have a cell phone!"   
  
"And just what are you gonna do with it!?"  
  
"...Call the police?"  
  
"Exactly. NOW DO IT!"  
  
"...Okay..." Duff said as he somersaulted down the street, rolled off limply to the side and called the police from a ditch leaving Axl to run, screaming like a banshee.  
  
"YOU GODDAMN TRAITOR! GET BACK UP HERE AND FUCKING RUN!"  
  
"NO ONE CAN SAVE YOU NOW BITCH! YOU'RE ALLL MINE!" Vegeta shrieked as he cackled like the mad man he was.  
_______________________________________________________________  
And here I must leave you...this took me 3 days to write you know. Now to put it up!  
  
Cell: Feedback. Please, we beg you.  
  
DD: *Nod* How long can Axl last? What's James' plan? Will GNR ever have a reunion tour?! WHY NOT?! Most of this and more next time. 


	6. Cut to the Chase

Love, Love Its Everywhere....And I'm Hating It  
H'wdy folks....*Dosy-dos* I am country yes I am...swing yer partner 'round and 'round...  
  
Cell: . Stop her for the love of Kami.  
  
DD: *Stops author* Just stop it Riz.  
  
Wah. Oh yeah, kudos to animekid who's learning some people! If by that you mean your finding out who all these rock-stars are yer welcome!  
  
DD: I thought every one knew Bono? How can you not know Bono?!  
  
Cell: If you're in to the pop scene...or any other scene other that doesn't include rock/metal.  
  
DD: Really? Oooh, poppers don't know Bono, that sucks.  
  
Whatever. I hope every one has at least an inkling of who Axl Rose is even if they don't know Duff...Slash anyone? SAY IT!  
  
Cell: ENOUGH! I am depressed as it is. Oh where oh were has my Axl Rose gone...anyway, we should just start. Here's what you call a go-back chapter. We go back to our roots...there's more Piccolo, less Bono, more Goku, a little less Vegeta.  
  
DD: Not your cup of tea? Well wait a few weeks when we put out chapter 7.  
  
Heh-heh...begin all madness  
_______________________________________________________________  
Piccolo sat in a tree along with Gohan. Why? The world may never know...or is it does the world want to know? Just know that it wasn't dirty....they're talking. Not after sex just talking. Okay? Good.  
  
"Piccolo?"  
  
"What?"  
  
"What are we gonna do about Goten? I think he's become just a....taaad bit too obsessed with you...and he doesn't realize that Trunks likes him which is slowly destroying him." Gohan said matter-of-factly  
  
(Quick Capsule Corp Moment)  
  
Trunks: *Listening to James talk and shoots up heroin* Uhhh...huuh...  
  
(Oh my—I mean enough of that)  
  
"What gives you that idea?"  
  
"Oh just trust me." Piccolo raised an eyebrow in a questioning matter as Gohan hopped down from the tree branch he was sitting on for God-knows what reason.  
  
"Plus," he continued without missing a beat, "weird things started happening right after he fell in love with you."  
  
"I haven't noticed anything. Tell me about these weird things."  
  
"Well, have you noticed that rock concerts have started appearing more frequently in the area? I mean, we've only had Metallica play here once now they're here every 2 days...and Jason Newstead's back!"  
  
"When'd he leave?"  
  
"...In 2001 you mor—er just forget about. Do you get what I'm saying?" Piccolo thought for a second then jumped down from his tree branch to stand beside Gohan.  
  
"Not a word." He said flatly. Gohan rolled his eyes and began walking and of course Piccolo followed.  
  
"Well look: U2 hasn't toured in Japan since...well in a really long time, if ever. Now they're suddenly here every night—"  
  
"And selling out like mofos."   
  
"Well yeah...but that's because they haven't toured here since the late 80's early 90's—"  
  
"If ever." Piccolo interjected again with a nod. Gohan stopped and so did he. Gohan put his hands on his hips and so did Piccolo. And they both did, indeed, do the Time Warp again. I'm serious.   
  
"Okay...so anyway, now do you understand?"  
  
"What I'm getting is that rock bands who have either never played here or played here once in their life are now playing here 24/7. What's the problem?"  
  
"Because it happened _right after_ Goten developed his little...er crush on you!" Gohan said exasperatedly. Piccolo shrugged his left shoulder and Gohan began walking again.  
  
"Same thing, y'know."  
  
"No it's not...it's weird...!"  
  
"Gohan, it's coincidence."   
  
"No it's not! It's WEIRD! W-E-I-R-D!!" Gohan shouted whipping his arms around in circles at his sides. Piccolo took a step back and his eye twitched.  
  
"Okay, it's weird...! It's really, really weird...!"  
  
"Yes! It is!"   
  
"Indeed." Gohan nodded in triumph and crossed his arms happily.  
  
"Ga-lad you saw it my way."  
  
(CAPSULE CORP)  
  
James nodded in his approval as Trunks' rabid mother, Bulma, explained HER plan.  
  
"And then you will pounce on him and declare your love!!"  
  
"...Okay..." Trunks said scribbling notes. He had to take notes and study because the way Bulma's plan was going if he didn't study he'd be screwed worse than the Michael Jackson shizz. And let's not get in to that, shall we?  
  
"Sooo is that it? Cuz I have a gig to-nite."  
  
"Yes...that's it...!!" Bulma said, slaver dripping from her mouth, her eyes wide and red and speech sporadic and...uh, unnatural...sounding?  
  
"Good. So Trunks...what have you learned?"  
  
"That wearing makeup isn't a good idea?"  
  
"Yeah. Tch, look at Axl Rose!"  
  
(Quick Seattle Moment)  
  
Axl: *Ears start burning* Methinks someone's mocking me...!  
  
(End Quick Seattle Moment)  
  
"Really?"  
  
"Yeah, all that mascara, the hair...the rose-print crap...the mood swinging..."  
  
"What are you implying?"  
  
"Only that perhaps Axl was a woman in another life is all. Human mood swing I say!"  
  
(Quick Seattle Moment)  
  
Axl: *Ears start burning again* I CAN'T CONCENTRATE WITH ALL THAT MOCKING! WHO'S MOCKING ME!?  
  
Vegeta: SHUT UP YOU SCURVY, PMS-ING WENCH!  
  
(End Quick Seattle Moment)  
  
"...That's not very nice. I seem to remember YOU had big hair in the 80's!"  
  
"And so did Def Lepard but theirs and ours was natural."  
  
"Def Lepard had naturally big hair?"  
  
"And so did we." James said with a nod. He then pimp slapped the taste out of Bulma's mouth, tied her up, and stuffed her back in the closet all in 10 seconds.   
  
"James...you wouldn't happen to have a plan Gamma after your plan Beta do you?"  
  
"Actually if this doesn't work I have a plan Omega. If that doesn't work K'SH!" James said unsmilingly but his eyes held plenty of mirth as he sliced his hand across his neck as if to show that if plan Omega didn't work heads were gonna roll. Trunks' eyes widened a bit as he sat back in to the couch. James then gave a little grin and wiggled his fingers in a wave.  
  
"I got a show to do buddy. See ya later!" James said and with a snap of his finger and dramatic wave of his hand he was gone in a thin wisp of smoke. Trunks shook his head and walked in to the kitchen, ignoring his mother's psychotic screams.  
  
(SON RESIDENCE)  
  
"You wouldn't happen to have a phone would ye?" Bono asked as he searched through Goten's room. Goten nodded and pointed to the door.  
  
"Yeah, in the living room. Beware of the Mick-o-dink." Bono raised an eyebrow in questioning.  
  
"The Mick-o-dink?"  
  
"The Mick-o-dink...just trust me." Goten said solemnly as he flopped back on his bed. Bono nodded slowly and went out the bedroom door downstairs to the living room. It was dark and Bono put his hands in front of his face so he wouldn't walk in to a wall or something (as if Bono really could...heh-heh). He felt a lamp and flicked it on. It didn't do a lot to light up the room but it showed that Bono was 2 seconds away from tripping on a the couch...which had a table with a phone beside it. Bono sat down, picked up the phone and dialed Vegeta's cell phone number.  
  
(IN SEATTLE)  
  
Vegeta was having a grand ole time chasing Axl up and down the east coast (and it was a miracle he hadn't run out of gas yet) but it was evident that after 20 miles of non-stop running Axl was _finally_ getting tired. Yes folks, after 20 friggin' miles Axl was starting to lose speed. Will wonders ever cease? I think not. Well, anyway, Axl was finally starting to lag behind, and the cops and Duff were no where in sight.  
  
"When...I...find...that...scurvy monkey...I'm gonna KILL HIM!" Axl shouted. Vegeta was just about to push the pedal down again and hit Axl broadside (like Goku) when his cell rang.  
  
"Blast...Moshi moshi?"  
  
"Hey Veggie! Mission accomplished!"   
  
"...What mission?"  
  
"To save your son from making a jackarse out of himself! What about Kurt Cobain's grave?"  
  
"Uh, er I'm on my way! Almost there."  
  
"...You're not there and back yet?!"  
  
"Got lost on a short cut." Vegeta said half-truthfully. Boy did he get lost alright, alright. Bono sighed over the other end before saying, "Well fine. You go see grave, call me, I'll come back. I get the feeling that Hetfield's got something else up his sleeve though..."   
  
"Like what?"   
  
"I dunno...but I do know that it's quiet around here...too quiet. Get me drift?"  
  
"...I probably do...yes, I do."  
  
"Right, right. You just let me know when you take care o' business there, alright?"  
  
"Alright."   
  
"Good. World Peace my friend." And with that Bono hung up the phone. Feeling mighty paranoid because of what he just said and the threat of the so called "Mick-o-Dink" hanging around, he shakily got up but not before noticing a pair of pupil-less, bright yellow eyes peering out at him from the darkness. Bono's own eyes widened as he took a step back, nearly falling back on the couch in doing so.  
  
"...What the...is that the Mick-o-dink Goten was talking about?!" the Irishman said to himself before calling, "Ye ole Mick-o-dink right!?"  
The Mick-o-dink said nothing but just growled and started getting closer. Bono nearly shrieked like a girl but instead yanked off his blue-tinted sunglasses, flipped them between his fingers and they suddenly turned rose-tinted. He put them back on, did a back-flip on the couch and struck a karate pose.  
  
"Don't move! I'm Irish, I'm rich, and I took Judo for 3 years (he actually didn't do this to my knowledge)!" The Mick-o-dink once again said nothing but merely flicked the lights on to reveal....  
  
Goku in his Mick Jagger-mobile with a pair of bright yellow sports glasses.  
  
"Whoo-whoo! Bono's in my house! What're you doin' here?"  
  
"...YOU'RE the Mick-o-dink?!"   
  
"Mick-o-dink? Uh, I guess I am...! I do have "I Love Mick Jagger!" painted on the back of my wheelchair, wanna see?"   
  
"Er, nooo..."  
  
"Oh, fine. Why are you here anyway?"  
  
"Uh phone...call?"  
  
"Oh. Okay. Aren't you s'posed to be performing tonight?"  
  
"Yes...! Yes I am! Free ticket if you never mention this."  
  
"...Okay!" Bono whipped a ticket out of his black leather pants-pocket and handed it to Goku who accepted it happily. Bono then snapped both his fingers at his sides, spun around once, shot his hand up and disappeared in a thin wisp of smoke much like James Hetfield. Goku blinked once, twice, thrice before celebrating his ticket-victory by rolling around in his wheel chair and singing the chorus of "One Little Victory" by Rush.   
  
(IN SEATTLE)  
  
Vegeta was at a crossroads. No, he was literally at a crossroads. The police Duff-sama had called earlier had arrived (as if on cue) right as he'd hit a fork in the road on his chasing of Axl, who now sat triumphantly on the roof of a squad car poking his tongue out at Vegeta.   
  
"Come out of the car with your hands up!" called one cop from his bull horn. Vegeta thought for a second before opening his sunroof again and poking his head out.  
  
"AXL! YOU'RE STILL MINE!"  
  
"IN GOD'S WORLD I AM!"  
  
"Then...make it so." Vegeta said in an eerily quiet voice. In a flash he was behind Axl on the squad car with a ki blade on his throat.  
  
"Move and he dies!" he hissed but strangely Axl looked unfazed and Vegeta sensed no fear from him. Instead, Axl elbowed Vegeta in the face, spun around, snapped his fingers and was gone in a puff of smoke.  
  
"...How'd he do that!?"  
  
"All rock-stars can do that. How do you think Bono never got arrested for drunk driving?" Duff stated matter-of-factly. Vegeta blinked before asking, "Which way to Kurt Cobain's grave?"  
  
"That-a way."  
  
"Thanks. Più Tarda!" Vegeta said as he blasted off due south. The police and Duff were stunned before Duff shouted "GET 'EM!" and the police proceeded to do so...or to at least try.  
  
(BACK TO GOHAN 'N PICCOLO)  
  
"Gohan, I'm gonna prove to you that this is all coincidence! Goten's not in love with me he's just wacky like his father! Got me!?"   
  
"Got'cha...but I'm tellin' ya somethin' weird's goin' on!" Gohan insisted as he opened the door to his parent's house. What he and Piccolo saw was Goku still rolling around in his "Victory Dance" and was now in the chorus of "We Are The Champions" by Queen.  
  
"...Gohan, you may have been right after all."  
  
"Toldja."  
  
"...But Goku's crazy anyway! This doesn't mean a thing y'hear?! Not a damn thing!" Piccolo shouted as he marched up stairs to Goten's room. What he got was Goten jacking off to a mural of him on the ceiling.  
  
"I tooold you!" Gohan said poking his head in. Piccolo just shut the door and went downstairs.  
  
"Son, why are you...uh "dancing"?"  
  
"Because Bono gave me tickets to his show tonight! WOO!"  
  
"Did he? Well, that is reason to celebrate. G'bye." Piccolo said as he shot through the roof. Goten came downstairs in a hurry and said "WAS THAT PICCOLO!?"  
  
"Yes it was."  
  
"BITCHIN'! Damnit, where'd he—" at this moment, the phone rang and Goten answered it despite the fact that Gohan was much closer.  
  
"Moshi bitchin' moshi?"  
  
"....Did you just say 'moshi bitchin moshi'?"  
  
"Yes I bitchin did. Who the bitch is this bitchin?"  
  
"...It's me, Trunks."  
  
"Aw not bitchin you again! Give it up bitchin, I don't bitchin like you that way!"  
  
"...Goten, please stop saying bitchin for a sec and listen to me."  
  
"Bi—I mean fine. What is it?"  
  
"I don't wanna win your love anymore, I just want to take you to America for a trip."  
  
"...AMERICA?!"  
  
"America! For the Rolling Stones concert...you like Rolling Stones don't you?"  
  
"My dad forced me in to them...of course I do!"  
  
"Meet me tomorrow at the Insertanamo Airport at 10, kay?"  
  
"...10?"  
  
"In the morning!"  
  
"...10?"  
  
"...Okay, fine. 10:15 if it makes you feel better."  
  
"Alrighty! 10:15 tis!" Goten said as he slammed the receiver down before Trunks could say another word. Goku blinked once, twice, thrice before asking, "Rolling...Stones...?"   
  
"Yup, Rolling Stones in America. I think it's for the "40 Licks" tour t'ingy."  
  
"...Can we go...PLEASE!?" Piccolo begged because we all know that the one thing Goku and Piccolo share in common it's their love of Rolling Stone or more specifically Keith Richards. And no he won't be appearing in this fic anytime soon...or so I think. And hope, 'cause that's the last thing this sucker needs.  
  
"Uh...I guess so...meh, Trunksie won't mind! He's my bitch, he'll do anything for me at this point and he knows it. Sure ya can come!"   
  
"WOO!" Piccolo and Goku squealed simultaneously. Gohan shook his head in sorrow.  
  
"Whole lotta weird things goin on."  
  
(IN SEATTLE)  
  
Vegeta started sobbing. He started sobbing hard, long and...well loud. He had finally done it...he was sobbing happily like a little girl on Kurt Cobain's grave in Seattle, Washington with a confused Axl Rose looking over him.  
  
"...Dude, if you just wanted you see his grave, ya could've asked."  
  
"No...you don't understand! I neeeeeeeeeed this!!"  
  
"I understand...just don't cry dude...!"  
  
"I CAN'T STOP! Hold me..." Axl shrugged before holding the sobbing Vegeta. Of course he was doing this out of the kindness of his heart because we all know that Axl Rose IS NOT gay... (Tch, yeah right)  
  
(Inside Axl's Mind)  
  
...This is strangely homoerotic...and I like it...God help me...  
  
(I told ya)  
  
"Okay, seriously. Stop crying."  
  
"Sing it." Vegeta's voice was muffled but Axl heard him loud and clear...but he said "Wha?" anyway.  
  
"Sing that song."  
  
"What song...?" Axl asked although he was already dreading "which song" Vegeta was talking about.  
  
"Don't Cry...sing it."  
  
"...Oh HELL no."   
  
"Please?"  
  
"Nope, not gunna do it."  
  
"Jerk."  
  
"That's MR. Jerk to you!" Vegeta wiggled out of Axl's grasp, stood up and dusted himself off. He then took a rose out of his pocket and put it on the Legend's grave. Axl stared as Vegeta walked off with his hands shoved in his pocket.  
  
"...This has been a zany, zany day...yeesh that man has a nice ass..."  
  
(CAPSULE CORP)  
  
"WOO!" Trunks squealed as he threw his clothes, shoes, an Uzi and a 9mm in his denim duffle bag, put on his trench coat and army boots and Green Beret so that he looked the part of the American Drifter (I specialize in this, trust me).  
  
"Trunks...ya look scary. I like it!"  
  
"Thank you Master of Puppets who pulls my strings! Y'know, I owe this all to you...and mom...but mostly you only because you inspired me, you pushed me and you threatened me to do this whole thing. Domo Arigato Mr. Roboto."  
  
"Your welcome...and don't you EVER call me that again."   
  
"Yes Master of Puppets who pulls my strings." Trunks groveled. James nodded approvingly and disappeared as Trunks quickly finished packing.  
  
(IN SEATTLE)  
  
Axl was now alone. And scared. He was alone and scared. Scared because he was considering building a shrine to Vegeta's rear...and that wasn't good. He made the long 60 mile (yes he's officially ran 60 miles) back to Duff's house only to sit on his porch.  
  
"This is not good...part of me is disgusted yet the other part wants to worship this man's butt because it is so firm...so small...so robust yet carefully incased in jeans and it looks so good..." At this point Axl began drooling and stared out in to space. This is not gonna go well. I repeat: this will not end well.  
  
Meanwhile, it was 6:00PM by the time Vegeta had made it back to his farm. He scared off some kids with his chain saw and was now calling Bono.  
  
"I finally did it. I finally saw his grave!"  
  
"Good, good...then my work is hopefully done!"   
  
"Where will you go after all this?"  
  
"I dunno...America?"  
  
"Don't forget to write."   
  
"Sure, sure." Vegeta would've said something else but some one or something started knocking on his window.  
  
"...Uh, hold it a second. Some bastard kids are banging my window." Vegeta said as he reached back, pulled back the shades...and screamed bloody murder.   
Axl Rose had his face pressed against the window with a camera. He flashed it quickly then disappeared in to the twilight.  
  
"AAAAH~~!"  
  
"Vegeta?! Vegeta!?"  
  
"Bono, Axl Rose just tried to break in."  
  
"...What?"  
  
"You heard me."  
  
"...I should be back in a matter of days."  
  
"Please hurry." And Vegeta then hung up the phone and pulled his chainsaw from under his pillow (yes his pillow. It's in a capsule).  
  
"If he does that again someone's gonna wake up ball-less...!"  
  
(THE NEXT DAY AT THE AIRPORT)  
  
Trunks stood in the airport lobby with James decked out in:  
A) ye almighty denim jacket  
B) black shirt with a strip of silver 'cross the chest  
C) blue jeans  
D) black beanie hat  
E) tan army boots  
And F) the almighty duffle bag. In other words, Trunks looked like the infamous American Drifter minus the complementary ciggy and Swiss Knife in his pocket...not to say he didn't have one some where. And that Uzi and that 9mm... *counts of Trunks' weapons*  
  
"Son, I just wanted to say...I'm proud o' ya. Big time. And if any of this goes wrong I'm here for ya." James said giving Trunks a hearty pat on the back and slipping him his cell, phone and studio numbers on a sticky note.  
  
"If things go wrong, call." James said as he snapped his fingers 4 times in cross formation, spun 'round then disappeared in a wisp of smoke.   
  
"I love how he does that! It's so COOL...yet it oddly reminds me of—"  
  
"WOO!" Trunks was interrupted by a squeal of joy and the screeching of tires. He turned around grinning then sweat dropped when he saw who it was.  
  
"Mick-o-dink...Goten...and Piccolo..." he said shakily as he addressed the members of his current party. Said three were decked out in t-shirts with 3 members of the Rolling Stones names' plastered across the front.  
  
"We're here Trunksie! And prompt!"  
  
"...Hi..."  
  
"Don't look so disappointed...they wanted to go." Goten said in with a shrug. Trunks' eye twitched and he was about to say something when the intercom called "Flight 12 for America, 10:15. F12A 1015."   
  
"Hey, that's us boys!" Goku called. Goten jumped in his lap and sped off while Piccolo followed. Trunks looked down at the numbers James gave him.  
  
"Houston, we have a problem."  
_______________________________________________________________  
Hahaha....that's it fer today kiddies.   
  
DD: How was that for exciting? Hah...tomorrow, sex & drugs. We're serious.  
  
Cell: Feedback much obliged.  
  
Più Tarda til next time. 


	7. Presto

Love, Love It's Everywhere...And I'm Hating It  
  
Yeah, you know ya missed it.  
  
DD: We're back, strong and crazier than ever.  
  
Cell: Nooo!  
  
Get used to it Cell. We're almost done anyway, get over it.  
  
DD: Yeah...let's just start now!  
  
_______________________________________________________________  
  
This flight was gonna be a long one, Trunks could tell. For one thing, he had an aisle seat and he hated aisle seats. Piccolo was sitting across from him, Goten was in front of him, and Goku...well...let's just say today was not a good day to open ANY windows. But he was basically surrounded and this was a sorta good thing. Trunks just sighed and leaned back, he was going to try and enjoy this flight one way or a freakin nother. He slid on the complementary headphones and turned it to a station.   
  
"What the...whoa, I know that song!" Trunks said as he began bouncing to the new Metallica song, "Frantic". The stewardess chose that time to strut up the aisle and threw a magazine in Trunks' face.  
  
"Hmm...WHAT!? NEW METALLICA ALBUM SUCKS!?"  
  
"Shh, its not public knowledge yet!" Piccolo scolded.   
  
"But-but! Why?!"  
  
"Its too complicated but I will tell you this: Lars."  
  
"Ohh...I still don't get it."  
  
"And you never will grasshopper."  
  
(Quick Seattle Moment)   
  
Vegeta, who had quickly gotten over his paranoia after the "Axl" incident, was now jumping on his bed like a little girl singing random KISS medleys and Aerosmith songs in his blue and grey Led Zepplin PJs.  
  
"Sweeeeeeeeeet emoooooooooooooo-tioooon! Talk about things and nobody cares—"  
  
"Wearin' out things that nobody wears—"  
  
"Callin my name but I gotta make clear—"  
  
"Can't say baby where I'll be in a year." You'd think by now that Vegeta would've noticed that some one was in the room with him but nooo. But he did notice after his music was suddenly turned off. And that ole paranoia returned real quick.  
  
"What the!?"  
  
"Well, well, well...look who was caught off guard." Said a familiar voice.  
  
"CELL!"  
  
"....Not even close dude." Of course you all have probably guessed who it is by now but I need to fill space here...  
  
Vegeta slowly turned around and saw Axl Rose standing in the door way swinging the stereo power cord thingy. He was wearing a bucket hat (no pun GNR fans) and was kinda smirking. I think. Details...fuzzy...uh yeah.  
  
"You! You are very fine."  
  
"Why thank you—what?"  
  
"You heard me. And I am here to make YOU, yes you, my whore!"  
  
"...." Vegeta's eyes widened to the size of dinner plates as he cocked his head to the side.   
  
"Run that by me again please?"  
  
"I am here to take what is mine and make you my whore!"  
  
"And you are going to tell me why."  
  
"No."  
  
"Excellent. Uh, shouldn't you be working on that album?"  
  
Axl nodded and shrugged. Vegeta shook his head then leaped from his bed and onto Axl, sending them both into the hallway and down the stairs into the living room. Vegeta got up but Axl grabbed his ankles and dragged him back down. Axl got up and was about to elbow Vegeta in the back but the Saiya-jin was too fast and quickly got up, resulting in his head meeting Axl's and knocking both of them temporarily blind.  
  
"Damnit....my eyes! I'VE LOST MY CONTACTS!"   
  
"What contacts?!" Axl pointed to a nearby table and shouted, "THOSE!"  
  
Vegeta made a move to go get the contacts and as soon as his back was turned Axl popped him in the back of the head with the bandanna he had hidden under his hat. Vegeta hit the ground with a yelp and in the process of falling bumped his head on the corner of the table which not only hurt really, really bad but knocked him out. And this probably wouldn't really happen coz Vegeta's a saiya-jin but I need to move on to the really funny stuff kay?  
  
"Ah-ha! I knew these things would come in handy! Ow, now where's my other freakin lens..."  
  
(End Quick Seattle Moment)   
  
Trunks was now in the restroom frantically calling James' cell number. Things were going horribly wrong already. There was a snake loose on the plane, Slash was no where in sight, and the in-flight movie was and would be for the next 4 hours "Titanic: The Documentary Part 1" and lets not even think about pt.2. He slid down the wall and waited for some one to pick up. After a few rings he was welcomed to the sound of tribal chanting and James' familiar gruff voice.  
  
"Halloo?"  
  
"Er...James?"  
  
"Trunks? Hey, how is every little thing?"  
  
"Uh, well...good. Everything is good."  
  
"Oh...well what's the problem?"  
  
"Well Mick-o-dink and Piccolo are here too! And there's a snake on the damn plane!!"  
  
"Wow. That IS horrible. Ah, well for the snake if you don't move it won't attack you—that's from Alice Cooper—and as for the Mick-o-dink and Piccolo, go find some Rolling Stones."   
  
"Thanks man. And dare I ask what's going on with you?"  
  
"Oh, about....70% of the die-hard 'Tallica fans are attacking me is all. Currently I'm being taped to my roof and they're about to pour hot tar on me."  
  
".......WHAT?!"  
  
"Don't worry about it! They can hurt me but they'll never kill me!"  
  
"TAR?! HOT?! ROOF?! WHY?!"  
  
"Your guess is as good as mine buddy. Ah, listen, is there anything else you need? Coz I kinda need to get out of here." James coughed on the other end and his voice held a tinge of nervousness and with good reason. I mean, have YOU ever had hot tar poured all over you? It freakin hurts man!  
  
"Um, no, that's all for me. G-good luck with the...y'know...tar."  
  
"Yeah, thanks. Bye!"  
  
"Ja ne...." And with that Trunks ended the call right before James' screams of agony could reach his ears. He opened the restroom door to be greeted with the sounds of screaming and a python right outside the door.  
  
"SCHNICKT!" Trunks screamed like a wussy as the python neared him. All the passengers were screaming their heads off and nothing was even happening...except for that cobra in the over head compartments, that might have something to do with all the fear. Yeah, most definitely.  
  
"GAAH!" Trunks quickly slammed the restroom door and started laughing hysterically. But when he turned around it was proved to him that he was apparently too slow as the python drooped down from the ceiling and glared at him. Trunks' eyes widened as he began sweating profusely.  
  
"If you don't move it won't attack...don't move...ahhh!!" Trunks hit the floor and stared at the glaring snake in the eye.   
  
This is gonna be a reeeeeally looong flight.   
  
(On the Pacific Ocean)  
  
Bono, who we had forgot about for a few hours there, rode the waves on the back of a dolphin—yes again.   
  
"At this rate I hope I can make it before anything big happens! Hmm, better check."   
  
(Quick Seattle Moment)  
  
Axl had finally succeeded in finding his other contact lens after much bumping into random tables and objects and had also succeeded in putting it in with out killing him self or poking out an eye. He was just about to tie Vegeta up with the noose he'd found when the phone started ringing.   
  
"Man, who knows he lives all the way out here?" Axl said. He could come up with no one and just decided to answer the thing.  
  
"H—er moshi moshi?"  
  
"Vegeta?" said a familiar voice. "Vegeta, did you put your balls in a vice or something man?"  
  
"Bono?! What the?!"  
  
"Hey, who is this?! I know that voice!"  
  
"Darn straight, I'm the Bailey guy!"  
  
"...ROSE!"  
  
"How'd you know he was way out here?!"  
  
"That's classified information young lady. Wait a sec, what did you do with him any way? Axl—" Before Bono could utter another word Axl slammed the phone down in its cradle.   
  
"Now that was just silly as spit. Now dear, I have other uses for you..." Axl crooned as he held the noose menacingly and cackled.  
  
(End Quick Seattle Moment)   
  
Trunks had long since fainted from the stress of having a python look at him like the next meal. By the time our hero (I think) had woken up, he was being toted by Piccolo and some tall hairy creature and another paler guy was beside him shaking his head.  
  
"Uh...where am I—oof!" Trunks was suddenly dropped to the ground and the three men hovered over him.  
  
"Dude you fainted." Said the hairy guy.  
  
"At least you didn't move or you'd be dead right now." Said the pale guy.  
  
"Dude you fainted." Said Piccolo. Trunks looked up at all three of them and said "Whaaat?" all defensive like.  
  
"Ah well, our job here is done. Let's go Fluffy." Said the pale guy to the one with lots of hair. The other guy nodded and he and the pale guy walked off. Trunks stared at them then gasped.  
  
"Wasn't that Alice Cooper and Slash?!"  
  
"No, just some guys named Vincent Furnier and Saul Hudson." (Ed. Note: In answer to a question: yes)  
  
"Oh...wa—"  
  
"C'mon, lets go find Goten and Moddy Boy."  
  
"Right." And with that, Trunks and Piccolo left to find Goten and Mod (Goku) like I said.  
  
_______________________________________________________________  
  
C'mon, I haven't done this in a while, its supposed to be short! And it's a cliffie! Yey cliffs.   
  
Cell: RIP Burton.  
  
Yes.  
  
DD: ...next, the cert!   
  
Ohhh yeah...heh-heh.. 


	8. Best I Can

Love, Love Its Everywhere...and I'm Hating It  
  
Y'know, I foresee a sequel!  
  
DD: Already?  
  
Why not? It'd be interesting. But first we have to get Vegeta un-kidnapped and what not.   
  
Cell: Well, it's been a fun ride, but this fic is nearing its end. How's it been so far?  
  
Good?  
  
DD: I've loved it!  
  
Nice. Well, expect more cameos in the future. Why? Because what're the odds I get arrested and sued for this? *Looks around* Shit, better not talk...  
  
_______________________________________________________________  
  
Piccolo and Trunks walked around the airport searching for Goku and Goten and their luggage. Two of these things had a better chance of being found and you just guess which.   
  
"Trunks, we've gotta talk." Piccolo said out of the blue. Trunks was caught off guard and blinked.  
  
"Talk about what?"  
  
"Trunks, what's on your mind?"  
  
"Huh?"  
  
"Don't "huh" me, what's on your mind? You've been preoccupied lately and not to mention all the weird stuff that's been goin on. What do you make of it? What's on your mind?"  
  
"Piccolo...I—" Before Trunks could say anything else he tripped over a person in a wheel chair. Then a police car came flying above him and crashed into the concession stand that suddenly appeared. Then another car, then a cheetah ran through and the cheetah was being pursued by 3 women with knives. Trunks lay where he fell in shock as all this passed over him. He finally made an effort to get up and apologize to the person he fell over until he saw who it was.  
  
"Rod Stewart?!"  
  
"...Who? Where?!"   
  
"No it's just Goku in a blond wig—blond wig?" Piccolo tripped over his own words as he realized what he'd just said. I dunno why Goku was in blond wig, so just bear with me. I need to fill space here.  
  
"Hey Trunks, Piccolo! Where've ya been?"  
  
"Well Trunks fainted on the plane so I had to pick him up."  
  
"Well, me and Goten are waiting outside for you. Shall we dance?" And with that, Goku, Trunks and Piccolo did the Macarena all the way out of the airport, blond wig and all.  
  
(QUICK SEATTLE MOMENT)  
  
Axl started up the SUV and pulled out of the drive way with Vegeta in the backseat. By now he had changed into a black sweater and black pants with sky-blue 3 inch heeled boots (the clothes were Vegeta's). He drove down the dirt road outside the farm and after a mile pulled on to the deserted main road. It was approximately 5:23 PM. At 5:25 Axl reached over into the glove compartment and pulled out Vegeta's CD case.  
  
"Man, he's gotta have the goods in here, it's eerily quiet out here...too quiet...and I'm talking to my self. Shit." With one hand one the wheel, Axl managed to unzip the case and flipped through the vast collection.  
  
"Skid Row...Prince...Madonna...Michael Jackson...GNR—ah-HA." A long, short-nailed finger came to rest precisely on the copy of Appetite for Destruction, but a peering blue-green eye came to rest on the CD incased below it.   
  
"Gooood boy Vegeta..."  
  
(Oh J—er, I mean END QUICK SEATTLE MOMENT)  
  
Trunks, Goku, Goten and Piccolo all found themselves cramped into a small cab on the streets of New York, New York (I love that) in that order. It was uncomfortable as you can imagine, I mean the cab's about yea big and yea wide and Piccolo and Goku are two 6-7 ft. monsters not to mention Goku being in a wheelchair (the cabbie wouldn't let them put him on the roof as originally requested) and all.  
  
"So Trunks, how'd ya get the tickets?" Piccolo asked.  
  
"A friend gave em up, but not without resistance!"   
  
"Well one man's stupidity is our treasure." Goku nodded as best his could given that he was in a position so complicated I can't even describe it here, so I won't try. Goten was smooshed all the way to the window on the right side with his foot in the passenger seat and Trunks was on the floor between Goku's wheel chair wheels and was being used as a foot stool by everyone else. Piccolo was in the middle tolerating.  
  
"We'd better get to the hotel and get situated before the show tonight." Goten suggested and everyone else grunted. After the most uncomfortable 1½ hour drive ever, the cab pulled over in front of a ver' spiffy lookin' Holiday Inn. Goten managed after 3 minutes to open the cab door and all the passengers spilled out into a groaning, moaning, slobbering heap. Painfully, the four detached themselves from each other and managed to painlessly get their luggage (half of it had been stolen earlier) out of the cab's trunk. Said cab sped away leaving the four foreigners (And I don't think they're jukebox heroes yet) looking up in awe at the Inn.  
  
"Well boys," Goku declared smilingly "this is it! And later tonight we shall be amongst the many lucky sons of bitches at a concert paying homage to one of the greatest bands of the past 6 decades!"  
  
"Jeez, the Stones are that old!?" Trunks exclaimed incredulously.  
  
"Are you kidding me? By all physical laws of nature they should be dead."  
  
"...Daaaamn..."  
  
(QUICK SEATTLE MOMENT)  
  
Axl was driving along the main road listening to Sir Mixx-a-lot's "Baby Got Back" for the 3rd time and surprisingly he knew every word. It was getting dark and cold, cold enough for the volatile prick—uh, for the red-head the roll up the window and turn on the heater.  
  
"My anaconda don't want none unless you got b—what the?" As Axl sang (er, rapped), strange noises began coming from the roof of the car. He turned down the player and listened in closely. He could hear the loud "snap" of metal objects being pulled apart and all of a sudden the car started jerking and sputtering like an old man seeing a picture of Pamela Anderson.   
  
"What the hell?!" There was a loud thump and a groan as Vegeta's unconscious body hit the floor, but Axl ignored it as he tried to get control of the car again. He took his foot off the pedal and slammed on the brakes but the car kept going on its jerky path down the road. The steering wheel went rigid and after a tedious battle to wrench it free Axl did, but in the process turned too hard and knocked his knuckles and his head against the car window. With a groan, he blacked out and his upper body fell limply into the passenger seat. As if on cue, the car stopped jerking and began driving smoothly again. Miraculously, the silly thing actually did a U-turn and began driving back down to Uncle Veggie's cabin.   
  
(END QUICK SEATTLE MOMENT)  
  
The boys had all settled into their separate rooms and were breaking before the 'cert later that night, 9 to be precise. Trunks was in his room, laying spread eagle on the big, comfy hotel bed watching TV when he suddenly had a thought.   
  
"Craddit, I forgot about James! Oh shit, please don't let him be dead please, please, please...!" Trunks pleaded to every God there was as he frantically dialed James' cell number on his stolen cell. The phone rang and after 2 rings Trunks started getting worried. On the 6 ring however, someone finally picked up.  
  
"Hallo-ooo?" Trunks let out a sigh of relief as he instantly recognized the all too familiar voice of James Hetfield.  
  
"Thank the Gods James your alive!"  
  
"I already did. How are you?"  
  
"I'm in my hotel room, everything going smoothly!" Trunks of course failed to mention the whole airplane incident. James grunted his approval on the other end.  
  
"Say, just how did you get free anyway?"  
  
"....I got...help."  
  
"Help? From who?"  
  
"....I don't wanna say..."  
  
"...You got help from Lars and Kirk didn't you?"  
  
".....Hai."  
  
"I knew it. You coulda said so, you're alive! That's all I care about."  
  
"I appreciate the concern! So, anything else you need?"  
  
"Hm...say hi to mumsy for me."  
  
"Sure thing."  
  
"Good-bye James. Say good-night James."  
  
"Good-night James." And with that horribly out of place joke by yours truly *points to self* that's me, Trunks ended the call. He flopped back on the bed and looked up at the ceiling dreamily.  
  
"In a few hours Goten shall be mine!" Trunks crowed. To celebrate his upcoming victory, Trunks went on a marathon jack-off to beat Goten's previously set record of 110 successful orgasms in less than 3 hours.   
  
In the next room, Goku rolled around the room a few times to take it all in.   
  
"Charming...TV, sink, bed...that's not much use, I'm in a chair of wheels." Goku muttered as he came to a stop next to his bed. He picked up the phone on the side table drawer and dialed Piccolo's room number. After 2 rings he picked up.  
  
"If you start that "Wazzup?!" crap again I'm gonna rip you a new one in your head Mod. And I know its you, I recognize your breathing pattern."  
  
"...HELLLLOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO BILLYYYYYYY!"  
  
"HALLLOOOOOOOOOO BILLYYYYYYY!"   
  
"BILLYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY—"  
  
"—YYYYYYYYYYY—"  
  
"Oh this is great, call Trunks and Goten!" Piccolo hurriedly got Trunks and Goten on the line. And here's where we go into script form:  
  
Goten: Hello?  
  
Trunks: Hm?  
  
Goku: HELLLLLLOOOOOOOO BILLYYYYYYY!  
  
Goten: BILLYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY—  
  
Trunks: —YYYYYYYYYYY—  
  
Piccolo: —YYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY—  
  
Goku: —YYYYYYYYYYY—  
  
Piccolo: This is great! Woo!  
  
Goku: Bye everyone, Stones 'cert in 1 hour!  
  
Piccolo: Bye!  
  
Goten: Ja!  
  
Trunks: Buh-bye!  
  
End script mode. Good Lord what have I done....any road, not too long after the weird as hell phone call each man respectively got them selves ready for the 'cert. Piccolo zipped it up, Goten adjusted it, and Goku took a piss outside. After all this they met up out side the studio. It was 8:19 PM.  
  
"Well everyone, this is it! Got everything? Good. Let's boogie!" And with that, the four men formed a conga line and cha-cha-ed their way down the streets of New York to the Stones 'cert.  
  
(QUICK SEATTLE MOMENT)  
  
The possessed-demon car had actually driven itself back to Vegeta's farm where Bono sat on the porch with a tiny model of the SUV in his right hand and reading from "The Idiot's Guide to Basic Voodoo" by Aima Wicht. Beside him was the Big Book O' Car Mechanics and several pages were marked. The SUV stopped right in front of the porch and Bono looked up.  
  
"Wow, it worked! Man I'm good!" Bono dropped the book and bounced over to the car. He opened the rear door and gently dragged out Vegeta, who was just beginning to regain consciousness.  
  
"Vegeta? Vegeta, can you hear me?"  
  
"Ungh...."  
  
"Vegeta, say something! Say anything! Say 'I'm a Pretty Little Girl'!"  
  
"....No."  
  
"You're alive! Yey!" Bono managed to awkwardly hug Vegeta while the Saiya-jin just stared. After a few minutes the two separated and Vegeta propped him self on his elbows and pointed at Axl who was still in the car out cold.   
  
"What about him?"  
  
"What about 'im?"  
  
"What're ya gonna do with him?"  
  
"Send him off to Florida. It's very nice there this time of year I'm told."  
  
"I can't let you do that! He has to put out this freakin album!"  
  
"Oh alright, I'll drive him around until the car runs out of gas."  
  
"How?"  
  
"With my new found voodoo powers of course." Bono clapped his hands and pointed to the left. The car pulled out and went in the direction of Bono's hand. Vegeta blinked and looked up.  
  
"How the hell did you do that...?"  
  
"It's magic!"  
  
"......."  
  
(END QUICK SEATTLE MOMENT)  
  
By the time Trunks and co. had reached the arena the world's longest conga line was trailing behind them, some going to the concert some were just drifters tagging along.   
  
"Hey dad, we're here!" Goten called to Goku who was leading the whole fiasco. Goku stopped rolling and nodded.   
  
"Okay, all those going to the concert stay on!" With that, half the line dispersed and went on with their normal lives. Goku took a bull horn from vacuum space and shouted, "ARE YOU READY FOR SOME STONES?!"  
  
"YEAH!"  
  
"THEN FOLLOW ME!" The Stones half of the line cha-cha-ed into the arena and took their seats (btw, just to give you an idea of how long the line was, the conga line was half the arena). People were still filling in the seats and our four heroes were bouncing like morons, except Goku who was just bouncing.  
  
"Damn, this is so exciting!"  
  
"Yeah, it's always wonderful to see the Stones alive and well."  
  
"Look its Iggy Pop!"  
  
"No it's not, it's Rod Stewart." Piccolo clamped his mouth shut as soon as he realized what he'd said.  
  
"ROD WHO!?"  
  
"I didn't say anythin'."  
  
"Oh." Goku shrugged and put his blonde wig back on. As soon as he did, the lights shut off.  
  
"Okay, who pulled the plug?" Some random guy said (it was Rod Stewart) and everyone went like "huh?" and "wha?" When the huh-ing and wha-ing died down the lights on the main stage flared up. The audience was temporarily blinded but soon lost their rabid-ass minds as the first chords of "Start Me Up" sounded. Mick Jagger grabbed his mic and before he could say a freakin word Trunks, in an act of extreme bravery and stupidity, grabbed Goku's bull horn and his call of "ARE YOU READY TO RAWK!?" rung through the arena and the response of "YEAAAH!" rang just as loud if not louder. The band looked on, shrugged, and just went into the song.  
  
"And now, to put my plan into gear!" Trunks said. He whipped around to grab Goten but the demi-saiya-jin was nowhere in sight.  
  
"Goten? Goten?! Craddit if I didn't loose him."   
  
Goten, meanwhile, was having fun with a crowd-surfing stint. Yes, crowd surfing. You heard it here first folks. After a few "waves" and 4 songs the crowd let him free and with very little clothing.  
  
"WOO! I'M FREE!" Goten danced around as best he could in the mosh pit (Mosh? At a Stones concert? Welcome to 2003) but was finally forced out leaving him in almost nothing. Goten was pushed and shoved and crowd-surfed so far back that he'd almost reached the end of the crowd and only scraps of his shirt remained.   
  
"Oh man I am so wasted—OOMPH!" Goten was abruptly dropped to the ground with a soft thud. When he looked up something bright stung his eyes.  
  
"GAH!"   
  
Oh boy. Like the light thing you idiot!  
  
"Oh...what the..." Goten looked up to see a bright beam of light drop from the sky that no one else seemed to see.  
  
"What in the world is that...?!" The beam got wider and wider (oh here it goes again, another cameo) until...  
  
_______________________________________________________________  
  
"What?!" you ask? "Is that it?!" Well for now it is. Mwa hahaha...I might just not update for a really long time and let you sweat it out!  
  
DD: You can probably guess but we're gonna shock all of you. 


	9. Test for Echo

Love, Love It's Everywhere...and I'm Hating It  
  
And now folks...*sniffle* The last chapter.  
  
DD: *Sobs* NOOOOOO!  
  
Cell: *Mumbles* Yes! *Out loud* Waaah!  
  
Yes! I too shall miss it! It's been a ride but now it's time to finish it off. Muses, I'm gonna miss ya! I'll never forget ya!  
  
Muses: Where are you going?   
  
Oh...uh...sorry, got caught up. So, now it's over. Or it will be once I actually write it. Which I shall do now.  
  
DD: Riight, get to it. *Cries*  
  
_______________________________________________________________  
  
(QUICK SEATTLE MOMENT)  
  
All was quiet in the Veggie cabin. The danger known as Axl was finally over, Duff was with Velvet Revolver, Bono had promised not to curse anything, and now Vegeta could finally rest in peace. He sat in his living room with Bono across from him, knitting yet another quilt for his bed. He was on the 3rd foot when he and Bono jumped up at the same time.  
  
"Do you know too?!"  
  
"Know what? I just jumped up coz you did."  
  
"...WE FORGOT ABOUT TRUNKS!"  
  
"....GAH! Um, can't you do something with your voodoo-y magic or...?"  
  
"Well sure I could but that would screw up the plot." At this Bono pulled out a huge book with the words "THA PLOT" written in shiny bold letters. He opened it to the center and thumbed through it before coming to a stop on a page. Vegeta appeared behind him and looked over his shoulder.  
  
"There, see?" Bono pointed to the center of the page. "Final Act, Part 9: Bono and Vegeta break their necks to save Trunks. NO VOODOO. Th—"  
  
Hey, don't spoil it damn you! I worked too hard for this crap!  
  
"Oh, yeah." Bono closed the book and tossed it over his shoulder, barely missing Vegeta in the process.   
  
"Well anyway, it'd just mess up the flow if I used my new found magic ya see."  
  
"Oh. Well....let's get going!"  
  
"Right. To the pimp—wait, we don't have a car!"  
  
"Bono, you forget I can fly." Bono rolled his eyes and reached over and grabbed the plot book. He opened it to the final act again and pointed. Man, these guys are REALLY ruining it for me.  
  
"NO FLYING EITHER."  
  
"Oh...damn the author!"  
  
Ahem, as Axl Rose once said and I quote: "DON'T DAMN ME!"  
  
"....Clever m'dear, cleva. So how do you expect us to get out of here?!"  
  
Use your damn heads! C'mon, you're the smartest Saiya-jin to walk the known earth and well he's Bono! THINK!  
  
"Alright, alright!" Vegeta and Bono said in unison before dropping down on the floor Indian-style to think. Tch, what boneheads!  
  
(END QUICK SEATTLE MOMENT)  
  
Well, well, well. Where were we? Oh yeah, a half naked Goten was looking up into some bright light, which from experience you all should know means yet another rock star cameo. Why do I do this? I dunno.  
  
"What in the world?!" The beam got wider and wider until some one stepped out.  
  
"...HOLY CRAP ITS ROD STEWART!"  
  
"Rod what?! Do I look like a damn rooster to you?"  
  
"...Yes..."  
  
"Oh you shut up. Seriously, who am I? Here's a hint: I'm not a Rod Stewart look-a-like."  
  
"Oh...lets see, who's blonde and hot all over? Aren't you Jon Bon Jovi?"  
  
"Sorta close. But I'm not even blonde!" While all this was happening another person stepped out of the light before it disappeared completely. It was a femme with red hair. That's all I'm sayin.  
  
"...My God aren't you Trent Reznor?" The guy looked over to the red head.  
  
"It took him 4 minutes to get it, a record." The red head laughed and put her hands on her hips expectantly.  
  
"Yep, that's me! JB was supposed to be here but he's a little tied up." Insert image of Jon Bon Jovi tied to a metal pole with alligators and snakes at his feet and screaming like a girl. Goten blinked and got up.  
  
"So...why are you here? And who's the red head?"  
  
"Oh her?" Trent pointed to the red head. "She's the Yaoi Pimp or Sazz or what have you. The author put her here but forgot why, damn author. Just screwin' up all over the place. You do far too much, c'mon give the REAL people a break!"  
  
HEY!  
  
"Well it's true! As for why we're, we noticed that you have a problem." The Yaoi Pimp nodded.  
  
"Yes, you're in love with Piccolo right?" She said. Goten nodded.   
  
"I see. Well, we're gonna give him to you!" Trent and Goten exclaimed at the same time "WHAT?!"  
  
"Yes! We're gonna give him to you! Or show you a future where you have him!"  
  
"You mean like that Christmas movie with that guy?"  
  
"Yeah, like that. Right Trent?" Trent looked over at the girl like she was psycho and said "Yes, that's exactly what we're doing." Suddenly Goten noticed that the crowd and the music weren't so loud anymore and that he felt...lightweight. Like he was drifting. He couldn't hear Trent screaming at Sazz about the future thing and the girl scream back "SHADDUP!" Before he knew it, things were growing dark and fuzzy around him and he just blacked out.  
  
And now I introduce to you a new section, now known as the "DREAM MOMENT". But this means I'll have to cut the Seattle moments, but we're finished with them any way.  
  
But I digress...  
  
Trent: And talk way too much.  
  
SHADDUP! *Whacks him*  
  
(DREAM MOMENT)  
  
Goten woke up in the exact same spot he was, but the arena was empty. A tumbleweed rolled by, a chorus started singing "Rawhide" and Trent and Sazz stopped their feuding.  
  
"Oh I almost forgot! Goten, welcome to the future." Trent looked around and mumbled "So Alice Cooper was right..." Sazz glared at him and Goten cocked his head in confusion and said, "How far in the future are we?"  
  
"Exactly..." Trent looked at his watch "2 years."   
  
"Wow..." Goten looked down and also noticed he was now fully clothed in a white sweater with blue jeans and a pair o' Nikes. See? I treat characters gooood. Sazz looked around and smiled.  
  
"So Goten, wanna go meet your future self?"  
  
"I don't have a choice."  
  
"This is true. So, let's go!" She looked over at Trent who clapped twice and in a flash the trio was gone.  
  
(END DREAM MOMENT)  
  
Trunks raced through the crowd calling out to Goten and on the way he bumped into Goku (thank God this time he didn't trip) who had ditched the blonde wig for a big fuzzy black one.  
  
"Trunks, what's up!? Aren't you enjoying the concert?!"  
  
"Mod-san I can't find Goten!" Piccolo suddenly appeared, startling Trunks and Goku.  
  
"Dude where did you come from!?" Trunks yelled over the crowd.  
  
"I was trailing you! Have you seen Goten?! I've been all over the place but I can't find him! I can't even feel his ki!"  
  
"Now that you mention it I can't either...!" All three men started to get worried. Goku looked about and licked his suddenly dry lips.  
  
"We should look for him. I'll go this way, Piccolo you search that half and Trunks you go right! If anyone finds him yell "olie-olie-oxenfree."" Y'know, I still don't know what that means. Goku went north, Piccolo took the east and south and Trunks went west.  
  
Goku was scaling the north side went he bumped into a leather clad guy.  
  
'Probably a Stones fan, probably just seen crowd.' Goku thought, but he realized it wouldn't hurt to ask the guy.  
  
"Hey, you, leather clad boy!" The leather clad guy turned around to reveal none other than Bono.  
  
"WAH! Bono, what're you doing here?!"  
  
"Hey, you're that Mick-o-dink character! What are you doing here?"  
  
"Call me Mod, and it's a long story. Have you seen my son Goten?!"  
  
"Have you seen Trunks?"  
  
"Yeah, he's looking for Goten too! He's missing!"  
  
"Missing? In this crowd of crazies? We'd better find him!" Bono jumped behind Goku's wheelchair and pushed him—no churned him through the crowd like the wind in search of Goten.  
  
(DREAM MOMENT)  
  
By now, the trio (Goten, Sazz, and Trent incase you forgot that fast) had materialized into a stark white looking cottage. It was very beautiful in its emptiness with a patio and everything. C'mon, I'm too lazy to describe it. Think of your dream house and insert. Good Fido.  
  
"Is this my house of the future?"  
  
"No it's my recording studio." Trent said rolling his eyes. Sazz and Goten looked at him and he sweat dropped.  
  
"Yes it's your house of the future. No one can see or hear you, but you probably expected that."  
  
"Yup. So where am I?"  
  
"Getting banged again, I'm just gonna say that now." Trent grabbed Goten by the hand and dragged him roughly upstairs and Sazz followed. A few doors down, they stopped and paused. The familiar sounds of pigs squealing and a man getting banged came from just behind the door. Goten's eyes widened and he squealed happily, "SEE?! I TOLD YOU!"  
  
From behind the door: "What the hell!?"  
  
"I thought you said they couldn't see or hear me?" Goten looked pointedly at Trent who threw his hands up in defense.   
  
"If you play it right, they can't! No seriously, that was something else. Observe mere mortal." Trent walked through the door, as did Sazz. Goten looked on and shrugged and tried to walk through the door as well, only to walk into it hard. A hand shot out and grabbed him and pulled him in. Behind the door Goten was indeed getting banged but not by Piccolo *Gasp*. It was by Tommy Lee!   
  
.  
  
.  
  
.  
  
.  
  
.  
  
Hah, had ya there for a sec didn't I? Naw, I'm just joking, it was by a guy who looked uncannily like Tommy but it wasn't and that's the honest truth. Goten gasped and cocked his head in confusion once more at the guy pounding into him on the bed. He did a double take and realized Piccolo and some 30-odd other dudes were off in the corner jacking off to the action on the bed.  
  
"What the HELL?!" He shouted. Hmm, sounds like some one beat him with the accent stick...Nah, its probably just shock. In fact, it is. *Throws away accent stick*  
  
"Welcome to Goten and Piccolo's bedroom, $12.99 an hour." Goten glared at Trent hard enough to burn holes in the back of his jacket.  
  
"Hey, watch it! This thing is new!" I'm not even gonna touch that one.  
  
"Whaddya mean 13 an hour?!"  
  
"I said 12.99 and look." Trent directed everyone's attention to the wall where everything he'd just said was printed in big bold letters on a banner.  
  
"He...made me into a prostitute! The man I've loved for...2 weeks has made me a prostitute! No damn way!"  
  
"But a high paid one at least!" Sazz pitched in.  
  
"Shut. Up." Sazz shrugged and looked at the bed where Goten was getting banged by the Tommy Lee look-a-like and shook her head.  
  
"Bah, that's sad."  
  
"Yeah it is. Oh, to catch you up, you have contracted Hepatitis C and made several porno tapes. Piccolo, your husband is your manager and co-star."  
  
"WHAT?!"  
  
"You heard me. Now come along, there's more to see—"  
  
"Oh Gee-hawd."  
  
(END DREAM MOMENT)  
  
By now, Bono, Goku, Trunks, Piccolo and even Vegeta were looking for the missing Goten and the concert was almost over. They all met up at the very, very, VERY back of the crowd and each turned up empty handed.  
  
"I can't find him!" Bono exclaimed and every one else shook their heads.   
  
"It's hopeless! While we were all distracted he probably went off somewhere!"   
  
"Wait, this always works!" Goku wheeled back a step and he ran over something.  
  
"There, see? Now someone see who it is." Sure enough when everyone looked down it was indeed the missing Goten.   
  
"GOTEN!" Everyone exclaimed. They all hovered around his body and Bono poked him with a stick.  
  
"Bono, what are you doing?! Cut that out!" Goku exclaimed and Bono looked around sheepishly and stopped.   
  
"Is he alive?!"  
  
"Is he dead?!"  
  
"Isn't that Rod—"  
  
"NO!" Everyone shouted at Trunks who threw his hands up and shouted "What'd I do?!" all defensive-like.  
  
"Damnit, someone revive him!" Before anyone could say anything Trunks was on all fours and giving Goten the ol' mouth-to-mouth. By the way, this was NOT what James had in mind, I assure you.  
  
(DREAM MOMENT)  
  
The trio walked out of the house o' horrors and on to the street where they posed kinda provocatively and cameras flashed from bushes and trees and, y'know, everywhere. After that stint they all walked down the impossibly sunny street. Trent gave Sazz and Goten sunglasses and then took a box out of em from nowhere.  
  
"What's that for?" Sazz inquired indicating the box (whew...).  
  
"I'm about to sing and dance in a few minutes."  
  
"No joke?"  
  
"Nope, I'm serious." Okay, at this point even I don't know what's goin on, not that that's atypical. Anyways, the trio walked down the street a few ways and passed an alley way. They scuffled back and peered into the alley.  
  
"Hey, whatever became of my dad?" Trent asked. Sazz pointed.  
  
"We shall soon see." As if on cue, some one shot out of the darkness, past our three amigos and on to the street. It was a familiar lookin spikey haired guy in an orange gi—ah snap I just gave it away.   
  
  
  
"DAD?!" Goten exclaimed. Trent rolled his eyes.  
  
"Can't hear you, remember Goten?"  
  
"Oh yeah...Dad you sick jerk!"  
  
(Quick Reality Thingie)  
  
"Look he's I think he's comin back to life!"  
  
"Mm...dad you...jerk..."  
  
"....."  
  
(Alright, I just had to do that.)  
  
Goku, who was still in the street, looked around frantically. The trio sat on the sidewalk curb and just watched. An innocent little kid walked by and Goku snagged him over.  
  
"Oh my GOD my dad's become a kidnap—"  
  
"Shut up and watch!"  
  
Goku pulled the kid over and whispered in his ear. The kid nodded and started pulling Goku's pants down.  
  
"OH MY GOD HE'S A PEDOPHILE!"  
  
"Hmm...maybe it's Trunks that does that..." Before Trent could say anything else the kid had pulled Goku's pants down to reveal...  
  
.  
  
.  
  
.  
  
.  
  
.  
  
Goku's smiley-face boxer shorts. The kid and Goku laughed and Goku ran down the street screaming "I AM SOCRATES!" Goten blinked once. Sazz blinked twice. Trent blinked three times and they all blinked thrice.  
  
(END DREAM MOMENT)  
  
By now the concert was well over and it was 3:30 in the morning. A crowd consisting of Mick Jagger, Keith Richards (ARRG! I said he wasn't gonna be here!), Goku and co. and a man who looked strangely like Rod Stewart had formed around Goten's prone body and hovered over him.  
  
"My God...I think he's dead! It's over! My life is ruined!" Goku shouted. Trunks got choked up and touched Goten's face.  
  
"Oh Goten...why?!"  
  
"Oh cut the emotional crap! He's just—"  
  
*Slaps duct tape over Mick's mouth*  
  
"What in the world?" Goku mumbled. Trunks shook his head and nudged Piccolo. I dunno, supposed to be some kind of signal or whatever. Piccolo nodded and said to Goku, "Mod, we'd better move him or somethin' if he IS alive and I get the feeling he is." Goku nodded and pulled out his bull horn again.  
  
"Alright people, we're gonna move my son! Any good hotels?"  
  
"Uhhh...I think there's a Motel 6 somewhere..." Keith offered.  
  
"On the way here I think we passed a Marriott Inn!" Bono piped in. Goku rolled his eyes and spoke into the bull horn again.  
  
"Alright, all for the Motel 6 raise your hands and arms high please." Everyone raised their hands, which just further proves my theory that rock stars are cheap bastards.  
  
"Riiight. Right, off to the Motel 6!" Every one minus Goku with the bull horn lifted Goten's body and carried him out of the arena and to the Motel 6.  
  
(DREAM MOMENT)  
  
Alright, remember the box of sunglasses Trent had? Remember him saying something about doing a dance routine? Well brace your self, coz here it goes:  
  
"Trent, didn't you say something about you doing a dance number?" Goten inquired. Trent nodded and pulled the box o' sunglasses out of nowhere. Suddenly there were kids on their porches and in their doorways moaning and groaning at the sunlight (remember it was impeccably B-R-I-G-H-T-T-T). Trent shooed Sazz and Goten out of his way and turned south.  
  
"Hello kids, sunlight in your eyes?"  
  
Kids: "YES!" One kid boldly approached Trent, rubbing his eyes and sobbing miserably.  
  
"Mister what are we ever going to do?!"  
  
"Go in the house you twits. But if you simply HAVE to be outside, take these." Trent handed the kid a pair of glasses out of the box. The kid put 'em on and looked up smilingly.   
  
"Hey thanks mister! What are they?" Goten stared at all this wide eyed and fingered his own glasses.  
  
"The newest style, Nothing Sunglasses kids! Get a pair; send 'em to your friends, its free demo day!" At this, a metal instrumental version of "Singin' in the Rain" started up and Trent kicked his heels together (Goten: Oh Kami NO!). At this point I'm gonna remind all you people that this is completely irrelevant to the story so if you simply hate the thought of humor or you're confused already just move along.  
  
.  
  
.  
  
.  
  
.  
  
.  
  
Alright is every one ready? Good. Hold on to something, I made this as stupid as I could.  
  
"Oh God, what's he doing!?" Before Sazz could answer the question, Trent started *skipping* and throwing out sun glasses and *singing*. Went a little something like this:  
  
"Stay cool in the summer  
  
With my Nothing Sunglasses  
  
If you don't get them it's a bummer  
  
For only 3.99  
  
You'll be fine!  
  
Stay hot in the heat  
  
Nothing glasses can't be beat!"  
  
A line of kids had formed behind Trent and they marched down the streets happily while Trent continued his singing. On the way Trent hooked the surprised Goten's arm and muttered "Work with me here" in his ear. Goten nodded. They both broke for a tape dance routine while all the excited kids watched and Sazz stared blankly. Suddenly (and there wasn't a damn cloud in the sky!) a torrential down pour started up and Trent pulled a solid black umbrella with the word "NOTHING" written in bold white letters on it.   
  
"When it's raining and you've got nothing to do  
  
Take a Nothing umbrella, it doubles as a jump-rope too!"  
  
The NIN front man then spun the umbrella in his hands and did a short tap dance routine in every large puddle of water while everyone got drenched. He closed the umbrella and held it directly in front of his crotch and started spinning around. It then stopped raining and Trent proceeded to pass out umbrellas. Goten stared in amazement and Sazz continued to stare blankly. Trent smiled and looked at them as everything went back to normal...or the way it was at least.  
  
"...What, no big finale?"  
  
"Nah, too lazy for that. C'mon, let's go see Trunks!" And with that, Trent tossed away his umbrella and guided the other two down the street to find Trunks.  
  
(END DREAM MOMENT)  
  
Okay, for all you killjoys who decided to skip the "musical" number, we're back to reality. Goku and everyone else had successfully moved Goten's body to a Motel 6 and now sat around in the room waiting. Not talking, just waiting. After a few tense moments Goku broke the silence.  
  
"Hey Vegeta...just how'd you guys get here anyway?"  
  
"Well, me and B-sama ran up the street to the people I trade with and stole their 'Vette and drove to an airport. Before you knew it, we were here!"  
  
"Oh...I see..." A few more seconds passed before Trunks jumped up and left the room without warning. You would think this would disturb the atmos and balance of the room but it didn't. Shoot, no one even looked up for Pete's sake...wait, who's Pete...  
  
Anyways, we join Trunks outside who was once again frantically dialing James' cell number. After 3 rings (more like 3 ½...ah forget it.) James picked up.  
  
"Halloo?" When James picked up Trunks let loose and started sobbing hysterically. What a WUSS!  
  
"Trunks? You sound hysterical man! What went wrong?!"  
  
"Well we got to the 'cert alright but Goten like fainted or something and now we're in a Motel 6 and he's not stirring!"  
  
"Not stirring?! You make it sound like—oh boy."  
  
"I tried CPR and everything! Nothing works!"  
  
"This sounds familiar...do you want me down there or should I send Jani Lane and Chris Cornell?"  
  
"No...the author says no more rock stars..."  
  
And I plan on stickin' to it—oh, sorry.  
  
"Well do you want me down there since I've been in the story for quite some time?"  
  
"Yes...but not yet, I'll call you when I do."  
  
"Well good luck man." And with that James hung up on the other end and Trunks did the same. He then went back into the room and it once again went undisturbed as all eyes remained fixed on Goten.  
  
(DREAM MOMENT)  
  
After the whole musical which all you friggin wet blankets missed, Trent, Goten and Sazz were back on the road and off to find Trunks.   
  
......Skip ahead a few miles.......  
  
Before too long (and several rabid dogs, bulky hookers and a drug dealer later) they had reached Capsule Corp, which had turned into a "hooker home". Yeah you heard me, I said a brothel. And a huge one at that, it IS C.C after all.   
  
But I digress...   
  
Goten looked at the place grimly at the place he'd once called a second home while Trent and Sazz looked around the yard.  
  
"So...care to catch me up here too?"  
  
"Okay, I will." Trent started and cleared his throat. He first went into the whole story about Trunks working with James and since I'd like not to go into details about that AGAIN tough shizznat for you. Go read the first 7 chapters—wait if you haven't done that why are you here?! Shoo! After the explanation Goten was spellbound.  
  
"He planned all THIS!?"  
  
"Well not all of it, he didn't count on us." Sazz said pointing to herself and Trent. The black haired man (I can't do descriptions, forgive me) nodded.  
  
"But...what happened to Trunks? And James?"  
  
"Well, James was—and I say this bluntly—killed in a horrible blender accident."  
  
"...Blender?"  
  
"Well he was on the phone with Trunks and he got his hand caught in a blender. Before long he'd got his foot caught in it and things just went downhill hill from there. Long story short: when the police found him half of his head was in it."  
  
"...That is a HUGE blender!"  
  
"Nah, it's only about as big as my head." Goten fainted anime-style and Sazz cackled.   
  
"So, let's go in!" With a flash and a little smoke they were inside the brothel. And what a fancy brothel! Gold trimming lined the mahogany walls and the carpet...woo the carpet! It was a deep rich wine-color and hockey sticks, was it soft! *Cough* I love my world. Well anyway, while Goten marveled at the carpet and the walls a purple haired guy dressed literally from head to toe in leather that was obviously Trunks came busting out of a wall...which probably had a door. So I hope. Trunks was talking away quite loudly and quickly on a cell phone, shouting orders in French.  
  
"What's he sayin?!"  
  
"He's an international pimp."   
  
"Oh yeah, that clears up everything."  
  
"It should." Sazz nodded. Goten went and sat on a desk and Trent began talking. I'm not really sure why but he said something about Trunks being a pimp of over a thousand women and having a serious breakdown when Goten went with Piccolo. Must've not been very important if I chose not to write the dialogue *shrug*.  
  
(END DREAM MOMENT)  
  
I dunno why I just don't do one whole big dream moment, we all know the situation here. Everyone's watching Goten yadda-yadda, y'know. *Looks in Vault o' Ideas* Oh wait, I have something!   
  
Every one's eyes were still fixated on Goten like I said and have said maaany times. This left a dark shady figure almost unnoticed even as he crept into the room. He still went kinda unnoticed when he shouted "What're we doin?" Bono waved impassively and gestured to Goten. The figure sat down between Vegeta and Keith Richards and when Vegeta looked over to see who the new comer was, he shrieked like a wussy.  
  
"GAAH!!"  
  
"Vegeta what's—ROSE?! WHERE'D YOU COME FROM!?" Every one except Axl, Vegeta and Bono turned to look at the scene with confusion.  
  
"The door." Axl said in answer to Bono's question without taking his eyes off—ah you know!  
  
"ARRG! I thought I sent you to an Alaskan Wilderness—uh I mean how'd you get here?!"  
  
"Well, somewhere between Canada and Alaska—"  
  
"BONO!" Vegeta thwacked the Irishman.  
  
"—I woke up. And out of instinct I got out of the car." Goku blinked and raised his hand. Axl looked over and pointed to him, giving him the signal to speak his mind.  
  
"Uh but how'd you know where they were?"  
  
"I grabbed the bumper of their car in Seattle and tailed along. I lost them at the parking lot but I asked a few prostitutes and groupies and here I am."  
  
"...B-sama, I don't remember anyone grabbing the bumper..."  
  
"Axl you are one sneaky, sneaky...there just are no words."   
  
Axl smiled at Bono cheekily and clicked his tongue.  
  
"Thank you."   
  
"Okay, let's skip the pleasantries, why are you here in the first place? No one knows about this except those 200 odd sluts and junkies." Keith interrupted. Axl shrugged and related the story of his chasing Vegeta and his tail, most importantly his tail. After promising not to do it anymore (LIAR!) everyone clued him in on Goten's condition.  
  
"Hey...I've seen this some where before! What time is it?" Trunks looked at his watch.  
  
"4:30 AM...why?"   
  
"Simple! Well since its past midnight, at 5 o'clock Goten will wake up!"  
  
"....Wouldn't it make more sense for him to wake up at 6?"  
  
"Yeah, but nothing ever makes sense in reality. Be real."  
  
"Oh..." Everyone else in the room mumbled and nodded their heads in agreement, then one half turned to look at the clock and the other half continued to watch Goten. This is gettin old damnit.  
  
(DREAM MOMENT)  
  
After the stint with Trunks, the trio found themselves on their way down the streets again.  
  
"Wow...so that's Dad, Me an' Piccolo and Trunksie-chan, what about everyone else?"  
  
"Well, your mother she killed herself—"  
  
"...what?"  
  
"And Bulma, after her son became a pimp she moved to Europe and was never heard from again—"  
  
"Wha?"  
  
"Vegeta, he moved back to Seattle and just stayed, also to never be heard from again—"  
  
".....wha?"  
  
"And Gohan and his family, after finding out what happened to you picked up their things and moved to Asia. Pan's a prostitute, Videl is a store clerk and Gohan's a recluse. Everyone else is perfectly normal, 'cept for Gyu-Mao (Ed. Note: for ye who DON'T know, Ox King) who was so tore up over Chi-Chi's death set himself on fire in a horrible crack accident."  
  
"WHAT?!"  
  
"You heard me. Basically Goten, your being with Piccolo screwed everyone up—except for Goku, he does that anyway."  
  
"...He...does?"  
  
"Yeah, you didn't know?" Everyone stopped walking and Sazz looked over at Goten.  
  
"So you see, this is what will happen in the future if you don't be careful!" Goten blinked.  
  
  
  
"Crap, you mean all this could still really happen?!"  
  
"What the HELL do you think we've been doing, going through Disneyland!? Yes this could still happen and it WILL if you don't do something!" The ever-angry Trent shouted.   
  
"What should I do?! How do I stop this...madness?!"  
  
"Break the mold, use your head."  
  
"Are you saying...that I should sell my soul to Satan and move to Africa and become a pygmy?" At that, Trent started cursing and screaming in a language he didn't even know he knew. It was a mix between Gaelic and a German Shepard having a seizure. After calming down and hitting his head on hard objects for a few minutes he said calmly, "No, follow your heart. Who do you really wanna be with?"  
  
"I really wanna be with Piccolo...but—"  
  
"NO! Think boy, who do you truly love?!" As Goten thought, he didn't notice he Sazz and Trent were slowly levitating toward the sky, if you have to be specific, Kami's tower. There, there ya go.   
  
"I don't know..."  
  
"Goten, who's been pursuing you relentlessly since you were 5? Who's been your best friend through it all and really loves you like no other?" Sazz offered.  
  
"...My brother?"  
  
"My God you are dense aren't you?" After 3 minutes of floating Sazz and Goten reached the top of the Look-out, but Trent, being on the far left, banged his head on the bottom. He too eventually got to the top with a huge bump on his head.  
  
"Goten...TRUNKS!" Trent finally screamed in frustration. Oh don't worry, I was goin that way anyway.  
  
"Trunks...yes! It is Trunks! I really do love him, he's my bestest friend ever! I love Trunks!"  
  
"Hallelujah it's over! Now Goten, go change shizz. Now that you've seen the future I hope you know what to do."  
  
"Do I click my heels together 3 times and say "There's no place like home"?" Sazz and Trent snickered.  
  
"Uh sure...yeah, you do that." Goten did just that, clicked his heels together 3 times and said "there's no place like home", and there isn't kiddies. A lesson from Uncle Lex, now ya can't say I never gave ya anythin'. Anyway, after a few times saying the phrase, Goten opened one eye and saw Trent and Sazz laughing their heads off and rolling on the floor.  
  
"....I've been bamboozled!"  
  
"Hey, you said it not us!" Trent said between laughs. He and Sazz straightened themselves up while Goten fumed at them.  
  
"Well you at least got it half right. But now we'll do the rest—"  
  
"You'll do the rest—"  
  
"I'll do the rest." Trent sighed and wiggled his fingers. Goten started glowing and he felt incredibly warm and good. He closed his eyes to bask in the feeling and when he opened them again Trent was charging at him.  
  
"What the—" Before he could say anything else, Trent booted him in the stomach and sent the boy skidding over the edge of the tower.  
  
(END DREAM MOMENT)  
  
"Damn, Axl was wrong again, I knew—" Goten's body suddenly jolted and rolled off the bed with a loud thump. He groaned in the weird-ness and feeling of his soul reentering his body. Everyone peered down at his body and Axl went and id a victory snake dance.  
  
"HAH! I TOLD YOU! 5 O-FUCKIN-CLOCK! Take THAT one to heart!"  
  
"Actually its 5:03! HAH!"  
  
"I'm not God Trunks." Axl stopped his victory dance and peered over Goten as well. Said boy started to move around and twitch before he finally opened his eyes and looked at the crowd peering down at him. And wouldn't ya know the first thing he said was:  
  
"OH MY GOD ITS ROD STEWART!"  
  
"Wha? Who me?" The guy that looked uncannily like Rod Stewart that's been hanging around for the past few chapters looked around the room and pointed at himself.  
  
"I'm just a janitor! I'm only here coz I heard there was free crack."  
  
"No way man you're Rod Stewart! Show me some ID!" The janitor took out his wallet and tossed it to Goku, who was hit in the head with it. When he regained his eyesight he looked in the wallet and pulled out the guy's ID.  
  
"...Toldja."  
  
"...Damn, I've been found out." The guy ran out of the room and down the hall. A few minutes later came the sound of breaking glass, a woman screaming and a dude goin "WHOA!" that signaled the guy had jumped out a window in a woman's room.  
  
"So it really was Rod after all!"  
  
"Yep, it was." Goku tossed the wallet through several walls. Quick, someone use it as a glory hole!  
  
"But anyways...Goten, thank God you're alive!"  
  
"Yes I am and Trunks...I have something to say to you..." Goten got up and got down in front of Trunks on bended knee and took a rather large ring box out of nowhere. Every one's eyes got wide and they crowded around Goten and Trunks.  
  
"Trunks Briefs, heir to Capsule Corp, son of—"  
  
Everyone minus Trunks: "MOVE ON WITH IT NAH!"  
  
"...Will you..." Goten opened up the box to reveal a studded dog collar with a leash "be my whore?"   
  
Needless to say everyone was shocked...then thrilled...then disgusted...then they just gave it up and clapped and shouted their approval, all in 5 seconds. Trunks began to cry and tear and Goten clamped the collar on his neck (he just took it as a yes *shrug*). The two embraced and rolled on the floor in a heavy make out session and went kinda unnoticed.  
  
"Well, that's it. Vegeta, what job we had here is done. Are you going back to Seattle or what?" Bono placed his hand on his hips and looked over at Vegeta.  
  
"I think I'll stay there a few days and then come home for good with all my millions. All rock stars who have made cameos, what about ye?"  
  
"Er, I'm just gonna go work on that album. I've wasted enough time." Axl said as he ducked out of the room and disappeared. I better not hear another peep out of him til fall.  
  
"We're just going to leave, I'm not at all sure why we're here." Mick said as he and Keith also left.   
  
"Well, I'm gonna get back with the boys and do some charity. World peace every one, stay good." Bono held up a peace sign and left the room with Vegeta behind him. Whew, that's over at last. NO MORE CAMEOS!  
  
"Well, I learned a lot of  
  
shizznat today, some of it I probably won't even need. Goten, Trunks, I hope you two are happy in your future as slave and master!" Goku said and clapped his hands once. Goten smiled then glared at Piccolo. Without warning, the demi-saiya-jin jumped him and wailed on him SSJ-style. Trunks dialed James number and when he picked up, before Trunks could say anything Goten shouted "YOUR BLENDER'S POSSESSED!" before continuing to beat on Piccolo. Everyone just had a big laugh and all was right in the world.   
  
And that, mon ami, is the end of the story. Thank you for putting up with this madness and leave 20 bucks at the door. Audi and adieu.  
  
_______________________________________________________________  
  
And that folks is it. I hope you enjoyed and feedback is much obliged.  
  
DD: Catch ya on the flip side guys.   
  
Cell: Pray not for a sequel. 


End file.
